"Then you can damn well stop talking about it and weigh it," he said, thrusting the letter forward.
Howards took it, dropped it into the slot, then read off the price.
"Too damn much," the man shouted. "Mailed a letter to Capitello yesterday and it cost less."
"It probably weighed less, sir."
"I wanna mail this package," a small child said, thrusting an untidy bundle onto the counter.
"Are you calling me a liar?" the red-faced man shouted, growing even redder.
"No, sir — just a minute, sonny — I simply stated that if it cost less it weighed less…"
"Damn nerve, call a man a liar, ought to thrash you. Wish to see your supervisor at once."
"My supervisor does not see the public. If you wish to file a complaint the Complaint Office is in room eight-nine-three-four— don't do that!" he added as the child pushed the package further across the counter so that it slid off the inner edge and fell to the floor. Something inside broke with a loud plop and an awful stench seeped out.
"You broke it!" the child screamed.
"I did not; take it at once," Howards said, picking it up by an end of string and dangling it outside. The child ignored it and began to cry loudly.
"Man ought to be horsewhipped, treating a child like that!"
"Room eight-nine-three-four," Howards said through clenched lips, hoping the man would leave.
A tall young man with red hair was bobbing up and down behind the weeping child. "I would like to send a telegram to my uncle saying, 'Dear Uncle, Need at once credits one hundred—' "
"Would you please fill out the telegraph form," Howards said, pressing the switch that delivered a printed form into the dispenser outside.
"Bit of difficulty," the young man said, holding up both of his hands, which were swathed in bandages and plaster. "Can't write, but I can dictate it to you, won't take a moment. 'Dear Uncle—' "
"I am very sorry but I cannot accept dictated telegrams. However, any public phone will take them."
"Bit of trouble getting the coins in the slot. 'Dear Uncle—' "
"Cruel and heartless," the young girl next in line sniffed.
"I would like to help you," Howards said, "but it is forbidden by regulations. However I am sure that someone near the end of the line will write your telegram for you, then I will be happy to accept it."
"How very smart of you," the young girl said. She was exceedingly attractive and when she leaned forward her breasts rested tidily on the counter's edge. She smiled. "I would like to buy some stamps.” she said.
Howards smiled back, with utmost sincerity this time. "I would be extremely happy to oblige, miss; except for the fact that we no longer issue stamps. The amount of postage is printed directly on the envelope."
"How clever of you. But isn't it possible to buy commemorative stamps still held in the postal vaults?"
"Of course, that is a different matter. Sale to the public of commemorative issues is authorized in the Book by Reference Y-23H/48."
"How very intelligent of you to remember all of that! Then I would like the Centenary of the Automatic Diaper Service—"
"Nerve, damned nerve, trying to get rid of me," the red face said, thrusting across at him. "Room eight-nine-four-four is closed."
"I have no doubt that Room eight-nine-four-four is closed," Howards said calmly. "I do not know what is in Room eight-nine-four-four. But the Complaints Office is in Room eight-nine-three-four."
"Then why in blazes did you tell me eight-nine-four-four?"
"I did not."
"You did!"
"Never. I do not make that kind of mistake."
Mistake? Howards thought. Mistake! Oh, no.
"I'm afraid I have made a small mistake," he said, white-faced, to the girl. "There is a later special order on the entry canceling the issue of all commemorative stamps across the counter."
"But that should make no difference," she said, pouting prettily. "You can sell me a little teensy diaper stamp…"
"If it was within my power nothing would give me greater pleasure, but the regulations cannot be broken."
"Your head can be broken just like you broke this!" an immense and angry man said thrusting the girl aside and pushing the crumpled package under Howards' nose. The stench was overwhelming.
"I assure you, sir, I did not break that. Would you kindly remove—"
"My son said you did."
"Nevertheless, I did not."
"Call my boy a liar?!" the man roared and reached across the counter and grabbed Howards by the shirt.
"Stop that," Howards gasped and tried to pull away and heard the material tear. He groped out and hit the guard switch. It snapped off clean and rattled to the floor. Howards pulled back harder and most of his shirt came away in the man's hand.
"Stamp, please," someone said and a letter dropped into the slot.
"That will be two credits," Howards said, hitting the breakdown button ithen ringing up the postage.
"You said Room eight-nine-four-four.” the red face shouted.
"Been mistreating the machine," a sour-faced repairman said, appearing beside Howards.
"Never, I just touched it and it broke."
"These machines never break."
