Not what Buddha or Confucius would have said, but this is the modern Korea and the rules are changing. And the GI’s stationed over here have got nothing better to do anyway than throw away their money.
I thumbed through the blotter reports. A Korean businessman busted in a poker game on the compound; an NCO Club bartender rifling the night’s receipts to cover his “flower card” losses; a GI collared running a shell game in the barracks.
And so when the first sergeant called me and my partner, Ernie Bascom, into his office and gave us our assignment, it didn’t come as much of a surprise.
“Somebody stole the football pool on the army and navy game over at the Officer’s Club.”
We stared in mock horror. Ernie spoke first.
“Has the 8th Army been put on alert?”
“Yeah, wise guy. On alert. This may not seem too serious to you two, but the 8th Army chief of staff is about to soil his shorts. ‘Besmirching the honor of the army-navy tradition,’ he said.”
Whenever they start talking tradition, honor, or country, look out for your brisket.
“How much money did he have invested?” I said.
The first sergeant sighed, took a sip of his lukewarm coffee, and ignored me.
“I’d put Burrows and Slabem on the case — they got more respect for the officer corps than you two guys — but they’re on a case out at ASCOM City right now. So all I got left is you two.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence, Top.”
“Don’t mention it.”
The first sergeant set down his coffee and smiled at us. There was a warning in that smile. Something about not screwing up.
“The pool money was collected by the bartender, Miss Pei...”
“A female bartender? On a military installation? I thought the union didn’t allow that.”
“Normally they don’t, but this is the Officer’s Club and the union honchos want to keep the 8th Army staff happy.”
“At the Enlisted Club, all we got to look at is that crusty old Mr. Huang.”
“You should have gone to Officer’s Candidate School.”
“Too late to become a brown-noser,” Ernie said.
The first sergeant shook his head. “All right, Bascom. And you too, Sueño. I don’t care what your personal feelings are about the Officer’s Club. This is a simple matter, and I want you to keep it that way. No nosing around for things that don’t concern you, and no mouthing off to those officers over there.”
Ernie pointed to his chest and mouthed a silent, “Us?”
“Yeah, you! Miss Pei is over there now, tending bar for the lunch crowd. At about thirteen hundred I want you to check it out and give me a complete report. Keep it simple, keep it neat, and don’t get yourselves into any trouble.”
“Piece of rice cake,” Ernie said. “Not to worry, Top.”
The first sergeant frowned as we got up and walked towards the door. All I could think about was the number of times I’ve gagged on a wad of thick chewy rice cake.
Terrible stuff.
Halfway down the carpeted hallway of the 8th Army Officer’s Club I was slapped with the familiar aroma of stale beer, sliced lemon, and liberally sloshed disinfectant.
Home.
Miss Pei was behind the bar, cleaning up and doing her post-lunch-hour inventory. There weren’t any officers left in the bar, as the chief of staff keeps the place closed during the afternoon.
Miss Pei stood up and looked at us as we approached. Her face was flushed, and she appeared nervous. It hadn’t been a good day. A wisp of straight black hair hung down across her forehead, and she brushed it back with her chubby hand and short brown forearm.
“You C.I.D.?” she asked.
“That’s us,” Ernie said. “Criminal Investigation Division, Yongsan Detachment.”
Miss Pei wore a neatly pressed white blouse and a red skirt. She was a very attractive young lady and I could see why the chief of staff preferred this young flower gracing his cocktail lounge to some old curmudgeon like Mr. Huang.
“All the money is back,” she said. “I made a mistake. There is no problem.”
We looked at her for a moment, not sure what to say, and then a tall thin American in a baby blue three-piece suit hustled out of the hallway and wound through the cocktail tables.
“George! Ernie! I tried to get in touch with you, but your first sergeant told me you’d already left. It was all a mistake. We found the money locked in the liquor cabinet and it’s all there and there’s nothing to worry about, but I’m glad you guys came anyway. Can I buy you a drink?”
“I thought the bar was closed?”
“For chumps. For you guys it’s always open.”
“I’ll take a beer,” Ernie said.
I shrugged. What the hell. It wasn’t often that Freddy bought anything. Not unless you had him over a barrel. I turned to Miss Pei.
“I’ll take a Falstaff.”
“Two Falstaff?” She held up two short stubby fingers. Ernie nodded.
I looked at Freddy. “How the hell did you get over here? They kick you out of the NCO Club?”
“Naw, nothing like that,” Freddy said. “That mush-for-brains Ballard was losing money here, so they sent me over two months ago. Already we’re back in the black. Made a profit of two thousand dollars last month, and we’re climbing.”
“You must know how to handle these officers.”
