I’ve seen this one pop up in asexual discussions a couple of times. It’s happened to me, and I just thought I was completely oblivious. I’ve been told that I’m good at flirting, even though I just thought I was having a normal conversation. And whenever someone is flirting with me, I won’t notice. (And probably wouldn’t know what to do, even if I did.) Only hours later, when I think back on the conversation, will I realize that something was off.
I was once on vacation, in a park, taking 3D pictures with a homemade stereoscopic camera. A woman called me over and started asking questions about the camera, and telling me how she was a photographer, too. We spoke for a minute or two, then I continued wandering around the park. On my way back to my car, I passed the bench, and she loudly lamented to her friend “Where are all the good men in this town?”
I was literally
Since asexuality is rather unknown, it is subject to a lot of misinformation and ignorance. Many of these misconceptions can be offensive and hurtful. All of these are things that people have actually said to or about asexual people. It’s time to set the record straight.
I’m asexual. I wrote this. You’re reading this. Therefore this exists, therefore I exist, therefore asexuals exist.
Asexuality describes someone’s
I do consider myself to be celibate, as I have not engaged in any sexual activity with anyone else in over nine years.
Asexuality is not a choice. It is a sexual orientation, like heterosexuality or homosexuality, and like those orientations, it cannot be turned on or off on a whim.
I never woke up one morning, thinking, “You know, I’m tired of being turned on by people. I think I’m going to stop that now.” I’ve always been this way.
Many asexuals can feel the full range of romantic emotions, from a slight crush to true love. It’s just devoid of a sexual component. Asexuals are not limited to platonic love, either. When an ace feels love, it can be every bit as complex and deep as the romantic love that anyone else feels.
There is a concept of romantic (or affectional) orientation, which describes who a person is romantically attracted to. Romantic orientation is separate from sexual orientation, although in many people, their romantic and sexual orientations do happen to coincide. Common romantic orientations include heteroromantic (romantic attraction toward the opposite gender), homoromantic (romantic attraction toward the same gender), bi/panromantic (romantic attraction toward both/all genders), and aromantic (no romantic attraction toward any gender).
Most asexual people can have sex, and some of them do. I have. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, not a lack of sexual ability. Asexuals are physically and physiologically indistinguishable from other people, in other words, in most cases, the equipment is all there and in working order. If an asexual person is incapable of having sex, it is usually due to some other condition, and not necessarily related to their asexuality.
I’m 32 and have never been sexually attracted to anyone, not even a naked woman standing in front of me, touching my junk and inviting me to reciprocate. How exactly can that be considered a “phase”? When am I going to grow out of it?
Most asexuals have hormones within normal ranges. Asexuals who have started taking hormone supplements for some reason have reported no change in their orientation.
And “gay” only means “happy” and “straight” only means “not curved”. Words in the English language can have multiple meanings and can change over time. Deal with it.
