Like a bouncer in an alleyway. So don t tell her.
You can t say anything, OK? If this gets out I m
Oh, like I give a toss. My big brother Brett s getting married next month, to an electrical engineer called Gareth. I closed my eyes, ran a hand across them, trying to scrub away the headache. Now shut up I need a favour.
You re not going to tell anyone?
I need you to go round to my place and tidy up a little.
A pause. On the other end of the phone someone was singing in the background, an ambulance siren getting closer. Why? What did you do?
Had an uninvited visitor.
I see. A deep breath. Is he?
No. He wasn t looking very well when I left, but he ll live. And they could probably save his leg.
A long, hissing sigh. OK, OK, I ll see what I can do.
Thanks, Dave.
And you promise you won t tell anyone?
Bye, Dave. I hung up. According to the phone s screen there were another two missed calls waiting for me. Well they could go on waiting.
The cabin rocked from left to right. Must be leaving the harbour, giving up its protective arms for the North Sea s cold embrace. Then the room started going forward and backwards as well. Pitch and yaw getting stronger the further out we got, the ship s engines getting deeper.
Kind of comforting
I closed my eyes. Let it wash over me. Yawned.
Could drift off for a
Three loud knocks at the door. Hello? Ash? Constable Henderson? Hello? It s me, Alice Dr McDonald. Wonderful. Hello? Are you in there?
I gritted my teeth, rolled off the bunk up to my feet, and stood there like a dose of brewer s droop back bent, arms dangling.
Hello? Knock, knock, knock.
I opened the door.
She was standing in the narrow corridor, both arms wrapped around herself, eyes darting from side to side. They said there s been a mistake with the cabins, the team admin officer only booked the one, and the other cabins are all full, and obviously we can t share a cabin. It wouldn t be right: we work together, and you re a man and I m a woman and what if something happened, it wouldn t
Don t flatter yourself. I slouched back to the rumpled bunk and collapsed face-down onto it. Ow It was like being battered all over again.
But we can t share a cabin it s ridiculous, I mean it s
Trust me, words muffled by the pillow, you re not that irresistible.
There was a pause, then the creak of someone sitting on the other bed. Can t you sleep somewhere else?
I think I might be able to control my sexual ardour if buggering hell. Bloody phone was ringing again. I fumbled it out, stuck it against my ear. What?
An Irish accent, female, clipped. Officer Henderson, have yez forgotten yer manners along with everythin else?
Mrs Kerrigan. As if today couldn t have got any worse.
They ve got these seats upstairs you can recline almost all the way, I m sure they re comfortable, you could get one of those
I ve got a message for yez, Officer Henderson
Oh, I got your bloody message all right. Well, you know what: I know where you live too. and you can probably hire one for a couple of pounds
Yez ve got a hard neck, talkin to me like
You tried to have me crippled! You really think I m going to let that go?
I can t sleep in the open, surrounded by strange people, anything could happen, I mean I couldn t sleep at all, it would be
Where s our money, Officer Henderson? We had a deal.
You should ve thought of that before you sent
Mr Pain to my house. My knuckles ached, the phone s casing creaked in my fist. Deal s off. I so much as see one of your dogs near me, I m coming after you, understand?
There was silence on the other end of the line. and what would happen then, it would be horrible, I can t have people watching me sleep, Richard has to go into the spare room when he stays over
Listen up, ye little bollox, if ye ever eat the head off me again I ll feckin come round meself, understand? Then we ll see how gobby ye are. Deal s not off till I say so: four grand by Thursday lunch. And then she hung up. it s not that I don t value you as a colleague, obviously I do, but I really don t think we should be sleeping in the same room
Oh fuck I dumped the phone on the bed and folded my arms over my head. Fuck. Fuck. Shitting fuck. Why? Why couldn t I keep my big gob shut? Threatening Andy Inglis s right-hand woman, what a great idea that was. No way that was going to come back and bite me on the balls. Fuck
I mean we only met yesterday Ash? Hello?
I rolled over onto my side: it hurt slightly less than being hit by a car. I m going to have a shower. You can stay and watch if you like, but I wouldn t recommend it.
The ferry thrummed and throbbed beneath my feet, rocking and rolling as I hauled myself upstairs to the main deck level all pale wooden floors and shiny chrome. A shop, two bars, a cinema, lifeboats Who could ask for more? It was busy: families; groups of friends; couples; people on their own; what looked like a rugby team, wearing matching red tops, downing pints of lager and singing some sort of folk song.
Roond da boat da tide-lumps makkin,
Sunlicht trowe da cloods is brakkin.
