Body & Soul полностью

An embarrassing and involuntary squeak escaped me before I could stop it, and I took a step back.

“Oh, hey.” The spot shifted and swirled in front of my eyes as it turned toward me, a distinctly female voice emerging from it. “I was wondering when you were going to show up.”

I couldn't believe Alona. I pounded my fist against the steering wheel in frustration.

Though, really, shouldn't you have known she was going to pull something like this? my logical side asked, deciding to put in a belated appearance. After all, Alona was not one to heroically suffer looking anything less than the best she thought she was capable of at any given moment. In fact, it was a little surprising it had taken her a month to get to this point.

And my reaction? You definitely could have handled that better.

Shut up, I told that censorious voice in my head.

That icy expression she'd worn before kissing me off had given me a sick feeling. It reminded me too much of the one she'd paraded around behind at school, back in her original body. That was Alona Dare — perfect, cool, untouchable. The irony was, of course, that it proved I was right in my long-running argument with her: it was more about attitude than actual appearance. But I didn't feel I'd be helping myself by bringing that up today.

She looked good, and she knew it. For a second, I could see her stepping up and taking this life for her own, becoming the “Ally” she'd created in the space that used to be Lily's.

True, she didn't have her original body, and I was sure that that would have been her first choice if it had been remotely possible, which it wasn't. But with what she'd done today — the clothes, her hair — it was clear she was growing more comfortable with being Ally, making that persona her own.

It was conceivable that one day she'd be comfortable enough with the new and improved Ally that she might not want to leave.

And if she didn't want out anymore, she wouldn't, in theory, need me any longer. There would be nothing keeping us together. That realization struck with cold, hard force, distracting me. A car horn blared, and I looked up to find myself crossing the yellow lines. Heart pounding, I jerked the wheel to keep the car on my side of the road.

I'd always considered, in the back of my mind, the possibility of losing her. To the light, to her own stubborn refusal to keep her energy level up by being positive. But the longer we'd been together, the less I liked to think about it, shoving it further and further down in my thoughts. I couldn't imagine my life without her, in one form or another, and I didn't want to think about her being taken away. I'd never thought about the fact she might walk away.

I swallowed hard, fighting against the panicky feeling clawing at my chest. Yeah, in Lily's body, she could hear and sort of see ghosts, which would make her life more complicated; but it wasn't like I could help her with any of that. I'd needed her to help me.

Besides, she didn't seem to need much assistance in that area. She was handling it better than I was.

No. I shook my head. I was being ridiculous. There was no way that she'd ever voluntarily stay in Lily's body.

The only reason she'd even pulled this extreme-makeover routine was because she was unhappy with how she looked, finding Lily's appearance inferior to her original body. Hadn't we been fighting about that only yesterday?

So our problem was still the same as it had ever been: we had to find a way to get her out without hurting Lily.

I tried to feel as reassured by this line of thought as I had been over the last month, but it wasn't working this time.

And then what? that pushy voice returned to ask.

Having started down this path of thinking, the conclusion was impossible to avoid. Assuming I could get Alona back as a spirit guide, things would go back to normal. We'd be helping ghosts between make-out sessions, and all would be great with the world… for a while.

But I was getting older and she wasn't. I'd go to Richmond for classes and meet people who didn't know her. If I wanted to go out and grab pizza with someone, either Alona couldn't go or she'd have to tag along as a spectator and keep quiet, astate I couldn't even imagine.