Body & Soul полностью

“So that's it? With Erin, I mean?” I asked, my voice rougher than normal. I hoped he wouldn't notice or call me on the abrupt subject change. He'd filled me in on what I'd missed, though most of it I'd already pieced together on my own. “She made off with Lily's body.” That little bitch. “To go party, eat hamburgers, and drink beer or something?”

We were on our way to check at Krekel's now, stopping at every liquor store along the way (thanks, Mom, for that bit of knowledge) for a quick peek around the parking lot. She couldn't buy beer — not looking like Lily, who barely seemed as old as she was — but given what I knew of Erin, and what Will had told me, she probably had her fair share of experience with “hey, dude”-ing it from older guys.

Will nodded wearily.

I resisted the urge to shout I told you so. He'd come down so hard on me about how I was doing as “Lily,” and I'd tried to warn him that someone else might be worse. But now was not the time to interject that bit of retaliatory wisdom… even if it was the truth.

“You can say it,” he said, reading my thoughts. He looked away from the road to raise an eyebrow at me in challenge.

I shrugged. “It's not as much fun if you're expecting it.”

He cracked a smile. “I bet.”

“So… if we find her, then what?” I asked, forcing the words out past my fear of speaking them. They implied there was something beyond this moment, which I wasn't sure there would be for me, and I didn't want to tempt fate or God or the light or whoever had come up with this masterful plan. I squelched the surge of anger rising up from my gut, but with limited success. I was so tired of being tossed around like someone's doll… or a chess piece. First I'm stuck here, then I'm not, and then I'm sent back — maybe to save Lily — and then definitely not. What the hell? And now I was supposed to just sit here and, what, wait with Will for whatever energy I had left to disappear? That SUCKED. Beyond the telling of it, frankly.

Will rubbed his hand over his face. “I don't know.” He sounded tired, defeated. I realized he was out of his depth as well; not what he'd signed up for, either. Right about now, he probably wished he was out ghost-busting with Mina somewhere.

I reached out hesitantly and touched his shoulder. And this time, when he glanced over at me, his expression was different, with a warmth that shone through his weariness and worry. Unable to resist, I scooted closer to lean against him, and he put his arm around my shoulders, resting his cheek momentarily against the top of my head.

“We'll figure this out,” he said, sounding more certain. “If we can't find her, we'll go after her brother. He'll know what she's going to try, where she'll want to go.” He paused. “Crap. I just left him there. I told him I'd be right back,” he said, almost to himself.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“I was talking to Malachi when I figured out you might be in trouble.” He shook his head. “Doesn't matter. We'll work it out. We'll find Erin and evict her, and then…” His voice trailed off.

Yeah, the and-then part was the tricky bit.

“Will.” I sat up slowly and his arm slid off my shoulders. “We need to talk.”

He eyed me warily. “What is there to talk about? If you're still upset about this morning”—he hesitated—“you were right. I should have handled that better. You just… the changes took me by surprise.”

I sighed. Some things between us might have grown and shifted, but this was the same — I was still the more pragmatic one.

I took a breath and forced myself to take on a matter-of-fact tone. “You need to accept that this might be the end. That this”—I waved down at my solid-for-the-moment form—“is a temporary stay of the inevitable.”

“No,” he said without even looking at me, like that was all there was to it. He'd declared it and so it would be. Right.

I shook my head, exasperated. “You know what the Order said: Lily and I are dependent upon each other. I wasn't even supposed to have survived without Lily for this long.”

He lifted a shoulder in a stiff shrug. “And you'll be fine as soon as we find her again and—”

“If we can find her. If I have the strength to kick Erin out. If I can keep her out,” I said wearily. “Have you thought about that? What's to stop her from taking Lily back, assuming I can even boot her in the first place? How many times do you think I can go through that and survive?”

He didn't respond.

“And more important, what gives me the right? More than Erin, I mean.” The first time, I had done it to save Lily. But this wouldn't be about that. It would be about saving my skin, metaphorically, and I wasn't sure I could do that. It didn't feel right.

Will glanced over at me with a reproving frown. “You were sent back here to help me. Maybe Lily, too.”

Crap. It was, I supposed, time to come clean. I leaned my head back against the seat. “About that…” I hesitated. “You know, it's not exactly like there was a big booming voice in the sky giving me directions or anything.”