Nevertheless, none of this surprised me; it was as if this meeting between us was foreordained by a force greater than either of us. I know I had the feeling of events wheeling swiftly over a well-travelled course to a destination long ago established. I felt as if I was merely saying the words I had been destined to say. If there was no surprise, neither was there fear or alarm. The circumstance seemed both right and natural-as if we had talked this way a thousand times, and knew well what the other would say.
"Kazimain," I said, and reached out for her. She came into my arms at once, and I felt the warmth of her embrace filling me with an unutterable certainty. This, I thought, holding her, is the only truth we can know in life. Nothing else in all the world is certain-only this: that a man and woman should come together in love.
We kissed then, and the ardour of her kiss stole my breath away. I returned her passion with all the fervour I possessed. A lifetime of vows and heart-felt disciplines had prepared me well, for in that kiss I sealed with all my soul the fate before me, embracing a mystery clothed in warm and yielding female flesh. Holding only the moment, with neither thought nor care for the future, I kissed her, and drank deep the strong wine of desire.
I knew, even as we touched, that I had never wanted anything more in all my life. All my crabbed cravings were as a cupful of pondwater beside the vast ocean of longing I felt surging through me. My head swam; my eyes blurred. I burned from inside out as if my blood and bones were consumed with liquid fire.
It was only later, after she had gone, that the awesome implications of what I had done struck me. How could this be? I could not possibly marry her. Even if I wanted to-did I?-would the amir allow it? I, a slave of undetermined rank in his house, was in no position to marry a woman of his tribe. What is more, I was a Christian and she a Muslim. The thing could not be.
I would, I decided, undo what had been done. Tomorrow, when she came with my tray, I would explain to her that it could not be, that I was wrong to suggest such a thing as marriage. It had been but the folly of the moment; I had not been thinking clearly. No doubt she felt the same; she would agree. We had both been careless, perhaps confused. It was only a tiny lapse, after all. Kazimain was intelligent; Kazimain was wise. She would not fail to see how wrong we were, how foolish we had been to imagine what could not be.
"She will understand," I told myself. "She must."
When Kazimain appeared the next morning, I was amazed and distressed to watch my late-night resolve crumble and melt away like a clump of sand overswept by a sea wave. One look at her and the desire I felt at our kiss rekindled instantly, and flared brighter and hotter than before. The glance of Kazimain's dark eyes as she came into my arms let me know she felt the same.
I clasped her to me and breathed her perfumed essence deep into my lungs, as if I would inhale her into my being. I wanted only to have her, to hold her, forever. The raw force of this feeling struck me with such intensity that it made me weak. I could only stop my limbs trembling by clutching her more tightly. I fell back on the bed and pulled her onto me. We lay there for a time, our bodies shaking with passion. She lay her head against my chest and entwined her arms around me. I felt her gentle weight upon me, and marvelled that I could have existed so long without knowing this simple pleasure and indulging it every moment of every day.
We might have remained like this all day-indeed, I would have been content to remain so for the rest of my life-but the sound of footsteps in the corridor outside roused us. Kazimain smoothed her clothes and we hastily adopted the pretence that we had simply been talking to one another as I broke my fast.
I took up a bit of bread, tore it, and began eating, swallowing my first bite as Faysal stepped into the room. His eyes flicked to Kazimain, who was pouring water from the jar into one of the cups. "Greetings," he said, "I have come to tell you that Lord Sadiq is returning. He arrives in Ja'fariya in two days' time."
"Greetings, Faysal; it is good to see you again. Please," I urged, "Sit down and eat with me. I would hear what news you bring."
He smiled to hear me speaking Arabic so well. "It would be a pleasure," he said, inclining his head. As Faysal folded himself upon a cushion beside the tray, Kazimain poured him some of the sweetened lemon water, and then, rising, made a small bow of deference and left the room, taking my heart with her.
Faysal and I ate together and he told me that the amir and Abu Ahmad had indeed spent many long hours in council, trying to decide what best to do in light of Komes Nikos's treachery. "And did they reach a decision?" I asked.
"It is not for me to say," Faysal replied. "I think, however, my Lord Sadiq will be most anxious to speak to you upon his return."
