‘But this is the way of death: First of all it is wrathful and full of curses; here are murder, adultery, lust, wantonness, theft, idolatry, sorcery, poisoning, plundering, false witness, hypocrisy, deceitfulness, insidiousness, pride, malice, arrogance, avarice, obscenity, envy, insolence, presumption, and vanity. Here are the persecutors of the righteous, haters of the truth, lovers of falsehood, who do not acknowledge the reward for righteousness nor cleave to what is good or to righteous judgements, who are vigilant not for what is good but for evil, from whom meekness and patience are far removed. Here are those that love vanity, who follow after rewards, who have no pity for their neighbours and do not labour for the oppressed or know their Creator. Here are the murderers of children, destroyers of God’s image, who turn away from the needy. Here are the oppressors of the oppressed, defenders of the rich, unjust judges of the poor, sinners in all things. Beware, children, of all these!’
Long before he had read the manuscript to the end, Julius had entered with his whole soul into communion with those who had inspired it – as often happens to men who read a book (that is, another person’s thoughts) with a sincere desire to discern the truth. He read on, guessing in advance what was coming, and not only agreed with the thoughts expressed in the book but seemed to be expressing them himself.
He experienced that ordinary, but mysterious and significant phenomenon, unnoticed by many people: of a man, supposed to be alive, becoming really alive on entering into communion with those accounted dead, and uniting and living one life with them.
Julius’s soul united with him who had written and inspired those thoughts, and in the light of this communion he contemplated himself and his life. And it appeared to him to be all a terrible mistake. He had not lived, but had only destroyed in himself the possibility of living by all the cares and temptations of life.
‘I do not wish to ruin my life. I want to live and to follow the path of life!’ he said to himself.
He remembered all that Pamphilius had said to him in their former conversations, and it all now seemed so clear and unquestionable that he was surprised that he could have listened to the stranger and not have held to his intention of going to the Christians. He remembered also that the stranger had said to him: ‘Go when you have had experience of life!’
‘I have now had experience of life, and have found nothing in it!’ thought Julius.
He also recalled the words of Pamphilius: that whenever he might go to the Christians, they would be glad to receive him.
‘No, I have erred and suffered enough!’ he said to himself. ‘I will give up everything and go to them and live as it says here!’
He told his wife of his plan, and she was delighted with it. She was ready for everything. The only difficulty was to decide how to put the plan into execution. What was to be done with the children? Were they to be taken with them or left with their grandmother? How could they be taken? How, after the delicacy of their upbringing, could they be subjected to all the difficulties of a rough life? The slave-girl proposed to go with them, but the mother was afraid for the children, and said that it would be better to leave them with their grandmother and to go alone. And to this they agreed.
All was decided. Only Julius’s illness delayed the execution of their plans.
VII
IN that state of mind Julius fell asleep. In the morning he was told that a skilful physician was visiting the town and wished to see him, promising him speedy relief. Julius willingly consented to see him, and the physician proved to be none other than the stranger whom he had met when he started to join the Christians. Having examined his injuries the physician prescribed certain potions of herbs to strengthen him.
‘Shall I be able to work with my hands?’ inquired Julius.
‘Oh yes! You will be able to write and to drive a chariot.’
‘But hard work – digging?’
‘I was not thinking of that,’ said the physician, ‘because it cannot be necessary for a man in your position.’
‘On the contrary, it is just what is wanted,’ said Julius, and he told the physician that since he had last seen him he had followed his advice and had experienced life; and that life had not given him what it promised, but on the contrary had disillusioned him, and that he now wished to carry out the intention he had then spoken of.
‘They have evidently employed all their deceptions and have enchanted you so that in spite of your position and the responsibilities that rest upon you – especially in regard to your children – you still do not see their error.’
‘Read that!’ was all Julius said in reply, handing him the manuscript he had been reading.
The physician took the manuscript and looked at it.
‘I know this,’ he said. ‘I know this deception, and am surprised that such a man as you should be caught by such a snare.’
‘I don’t understand you. Where is the snare?’
