I jumped straight into her arms, and she felt me all over.‘Are you OK, Tallulah? Look at your tail! It’s like a hairbrush. What scared you?’
If only I could talk her language and tell her I’d seen Rocky. All I could do was purr and reach up to her concerned face with my paws. She’d been crying. Sobs lingered, deep down in her chest, spasmodically surfacing. I sensed the pain.
‘Dad’s mad with me,’ she said as she carried me indoors. ‘For walking home along the river on my own, and being late, and being rude.’
There was a tense atmosphere in the house, as if something was going to explode. Max was hunched at the table, frowning at his laptop. He glanced up with cold eyes.
‘Thank God for that,’ he said. ‘Where was she?’
‘She just appeared,’ said TammyLee, ‘like cats do.’
‘Now perhaps we’ll get some PEACE,’ said Max wearily.
TammyLee stood there with me in her arms. I nuzzled against her and the pulse throbbing in her neck felt hot.
‘Is that all you care about, Dad?’ she asked. ‘So-called “peace”.’
Max pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes.
‘Dad?’
‘I am not going to engage with further provocation,’ said Max, and a hard grey shell closed around his aura. He turned back to his laptop and tapped at the keys like a terrier digging a hole.
‘Fine. Don’t bother,’ said TammyLee. She put me down and marched into the kitchen. I ran to see Amber, who was lying quietly on her bed, her ears drooping and only the tip of her tail moving. She whined and lifted a paw to me. I wanted to describe my adventure by the river, and tell her about Rocky’s turquoise eyes, but she wasn’t in a receptive mood.
‘There was a terrible row,’ she told me. ‘TammyLee was in a temper and she burned Max’s tea and slammed the plate down on the table. She shouted and swore at him, and every time Max tried to say something, she shouted even louder. I hated it, I hid behind the curtain, and now I’ve been on my bed for too long and I haven’t had a walk.’
Amber looked miserable and anxious. I gave her lots of love, weaving my way round her, brushing her face with my tail. She gradually relaxed, and when I ran into the kitchen for my supper, Amber crept over to Max and leaned against his leg.
‘You haven’t had a walk, have you?’ I heard him say, and he shut the laptop.
‘Where’s your lead?’
Amber instantly became her joyful self again, charged into the kitchen, nearly knocking me over as I ate my tuna chunks. She circled the lounge and jumped right over the sofa, while Max was putting his coat on.
‘I’m walking the dog,’ he said curtly to TammyLee, and clipped the lead onto Amber’s collar.
‘Fine,’ said TammyLee, and, once he’d gone out of the door, she muttered, ‘And don’t come back. I don’t care if you never come back.’
I needed a wash and a long sleep. But TammyLee needed me more. She carried me upstairs, and we checked Diana, who was asleep, her face tranquil, her skin pale in the dim blue of a night light.
‘Tallulah’s back, Mum,’ TammyLee whispered, but Diana didn’t stir. ‘She’s on heavy medication.’ TammyLee closed the door quietly and took me into her bedroom, where she kicked off her shoes and slumped onto her bed, burrowing into a mound of cushions. I stood on her chest, purring, and looked at her tormented eyes.
‘I’d DIE without you, Tallulah,’ she said, smoothing my coat with both hands. ‘You’re all I’ve got. And you know about Rocky.’
I did a purr-meow, to show her I understood.
‘I went to Rocky’s Bench after school today,’ she said. ‘It’s his birthday. My baby’s birthday. And I’m not there for him.’ She cried and cried into my fur, and I lay still and listened. ‘Why did I do it, Tallulah? Why was I such a coward? What will Rocky think when he grows up,wherever he is? What will he think about his real mum dumping him like rubbish? I wish I could tell him why. I wish I could tell him that I loved him. I can’t bear to think he might grow up and never know that.’ She sobbed into the cushions. Then she said something that worried me a lot: ‘I want to die, Tallulah. I just … want … to die.’
I felt powerless. What could one small tabby cat do, faced with a suicidal human? I patted her wet cheek with my paw, and thought maybe if I washed her face, she might feel better. So I started licking, tasting salt and make-up, licking gently round each of her eyes and calming the frown lines between them. And it worked! After a few minutes of it, she was smiling and looking at me again.
‘Magic puss cat,’ she said, and then she did something beautiful: she took my little black cat brush out of its drawer and began to groom my fur. I loved it, and it was just what I needed. I rolled onto my back and let her brush under my chin and down my belly. The brushing, and the appreciative purring, seemed to soothe TammyLee.