“Look, let me be clear on something. I know what it is…I mean, what it was, between us—absolutely nothin’. The only thing we’ve been is fuck buddies. And I’ve been cool with that. But what I’m not cool with is you tryna play me as some dumb-ass chick. That does not sit well with me.”
I decide to keep some distance between us and sit in the chair ’cross from her. “Yo, I don’t think that.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Yo, how you gonna tell me what I think?”
“Well, you act like it. And it pisses me the fuck off that you would even come at me like I was. And it pisses me off even more that I’ve allowed you to make me feel vulnerable and used and disrespected. I know I can’t be mad at you ’cause you told me what it was wit’ you from the gate. And you’ve shown me time and time again who you really are. But I still chose to fuck with you. So I get what I get ’cause I’ve allowed it…” She pauses, stares at me, throws her head back, fights back tears.
“I can’t keep lying to myself. I love you, nigga. I don’t know when it happened. But it did. Even though I knew in my head I shoulda kept it moving; that I shoulda never let you in my head, or my heart, ’cause you’re no motherfucking good, I still allowed myself to fall head over heels for you anyway. And it hurts knowing that you don’t love me back. It hurts knowing that you aren’t capable of loving anyone other than yourself…”
“…I’ve tried to act like you fucking other chicks doesn’t bother me, but it does. You’re the only nigga I’m fucking. I cut e’eryone else off, still knowing you were gonna be plowing ya dick through a buncha bitches. You get at me when you get at me, and my stupid ass sits around waiting for you to toss me the scraps them other hoes leave behind. I’m not blaming you. I blame myself. But the shit still hurts. You told me, warned me, not to get too caught up in you, but I did any-damn-way. And it’s gotten way outta hand. I thought I could handle it, but I can’t.
“And right now, I need for you to look me in my face and tell me the fuckin’ truth. Not the lie you’ve turned inside-out to become the reality you’ve created in your fucked-up head. I want the real T-R-U-T-H. That’s the only thing I wanna hear. Can you do that?”
I take a deep breath. I’m really not beat for this shit right now. But I created this shit wit’ her, and listenin’ to her spill her heart out to me has a muhfucka feelin’ some kinda way. If she wants the truth, then I owe it to her. That’s the least I can give her, feel me? “You got that,” I say, leanin’ forward in my seat, restin’ my elbows on my knees.
“Then tell me this. Is anything that nigga Ron said true? Were you in Atlanta fuckin’ some crippled-ass bitch on my dime?”
“Hell, no,” I tell her, frownin’. “She was a mid…uh, I mean, little person.”
She blinks, blinks again. Tilts her head as if she’s tryna wrap her mind ’round what I’ve said. “
I nod. “Yeah, sumthin’ like that.”
“Wait. Wait one goddamn minute! You fucking dissed me to stick ya dick up in some midget?!” She stares at me in disbelief. “OhmyfuckingGod, pleeeeeeease tell me you’re joking. You’re actually telling me you fucking looked me in my face and lied about having a dying grandmother, so you could get out to Atlanta to FUCK some goddamn dwarf bitch?!”
I run my hands over my face, then cup the back of my head. “Yeah, I mean, no.” She tilts her head, raises her eyebrow. “Yeah, I lied about my grandmother bein’ sick. But chick lied to me. I didn’t know she was a half-pint ’til I got there.”
“And that’s supposed to make the shit better? Nigga, puhleeze! That’s exaaaactly what ya lying, sneaky ass gets,” she says through clenched teeth. “I’m sooooooo fucking pissed right now. OhmyGod, I don’t believe this shit. I really hoped what the nigga was talking was a buncha shit.” She stares at me, shakes her head. “You know what? I can’t even be mad at you ’cause you were only being who you are. I knew from the jump you were a dog, so I don’t know what I was thinking. Niggas like you don’t change ’cause you don’t ever think what you’re doing is wrong. And because there’s bitches like me who’ll keep allowing you to do the shit you do, you’ll always do what you do. We always want what we can’t have. And I know for a fact I will never have you. No one will. ’Cause ya black ass is too goddamn selfish!”
She breaks down and starts that cryin’ shit. A part of me wants to tell her to shut the fuck up wit’ all that noise; to go wipe her snotty-ass nose; to get the fuck out ’cause I told her so, but… another part of me, is feelin’ kinda bad for her. Then again, why the fuck should I? She brought this shit on herself.
