Thien asked for ten days leave, not enough for his mother. Like to a dry rice field in the summer one cup of fresh water is not enough. She didn’t want him to return to his unit. “Don’t go anywhere, anymore. If you die, you die here and I will be satisfied. If you want the Revolution you can have it anywhere. I won’t let you go anymore…”
Lying in the hammock between 2 bamboo poles I listened carefully to her story. I smiled but the tears ran down my face to my hair. I felt so sorry for her, understanding very well her mother’s love for Thien. But it must turn out the right way if she is to become a typical Vietnamese mother who correctly loves her son, knowing how to offer him to the country. My dear sister, don’t let your love go wrong: I will wait to see the result and note it in my diary.
Late at night Thien the cadre, already asleep, became again a small boy in his mother’s arms. Dear Thien, the Liberation troops have struggled hard on the battlefield to win many honorable war medals. Please tell me if you will remain worthy of being a Liberation soldier?
August 30, 1969. For the past few days I have been very nervous having heard that the Pho Cuong unit was fighting very, very hard. I have worried a lot. Day and night I haven’t relaxed: it seems that something told me there would be bad news… and indeed this afternoon Tan told me the sad news from the victory: in a week of continuous conflict 14 tanks, 1 HU-1A, and 15 Army Trucks were destroyed, with 150 Americans killed. One comrade was lost and 2 were wounded. My God! The guerilla comrade killed was Nhieu, his parents already dead, this lovely young brother of Thuan. How much I cared for Nhieu. How much I love Thuan. Maybe he will be very sad. Thuan I understand this: you took care of your younger brother in every way, worrying about his eating and sleeping, and taught him how to be a person… now…
I feel so sorry that I cannot be close to you to share your sorrow, to wipe the tears from your bright eyes.
This afternoon when it became dark the village was attacked. I fled into the dark trench and couldn’t breathe, but I thought only of Nhieu. My tears mixed with sweat. Dear Nhieu, I, Thuan, and sister Bon will all seek revenge for you, okay?
September 1, 1969. Sent Tan to the meeting. My heart was worried and I missed him. Our affections have grown during these days passing by. I believe that he has for me a special affection which is also the family love of the revolutionaries, but especially deep because this is the spirit of people who understand each other. In the afternoon as I turned the pages of his notebook I saw the letters which I sent to him, only a few pieces of paper but ones that he still kept. I know that after he reads letters he always burns them, but mine he keeps which means that he has given me a corner in the notebook of his life.
From what he told So (a comrade from Pho Van) was one thing: that was to carefully protect me and not to let anything happen… the Party cannot afford to lose me. I smiled when I read: “Remember that I give you this (to do)”. Does he understand in that short sentence that he also gave me the affections of an older brother? Dear Tan, I hope that you return safely: I will welcome you with a sister’s love.
September 3, 1969. At 9:47 Chairman Ho said good-bye to us forever. My dear Uncle! We promise that we will struggle until we realize your hopes and the career which you left unfinished: the liberation of the South and the freedom and independence of the Country.
A very sorry morning when Uncle Ho died. Oh God! I don’t cry but my heart bleeds and I feel so sorry. My dear Uncle, why are you so far away from us when the job remains unfinished? The Country is yet not unified, the South hasn’t had the chance to welcome you… and now you are dead. I know in the other world you are unhappy that half the Country remains sunken in fire: The blood of the Vietnamese people is running to reach your goals. Remembering you we promise that we will fight to complete the task. Remembering you will cause our tears to freeze into a hate to pour on the heads of the American pirates.
Dear Uncle of all the Vietnamese, uncle of all the dispossessed people of the world, we believe that you will never die, that your name and your goals will live forever!
September 4, 1969. To the letter which Tan handed me after a few days far away I wanted to say a lot in reply but could not. He feels the same, for only one simple reason: he is surrounded by people always working! How can we find a day for ourselves Tan? All year we can only show our feelings in our letters and diaries. No, I don’t want it this way. You must have a day to tell me everything!!
