Instead he drew the blinds, turned on the desk lamp as well to add more light to his already bright office, and then took the Scotch bottle from his desk drawer and poured two fingers into his coffee cup. He wondered how much Scotch he’d have to drink before he felt brave enough to simply walk out of the hospital and get into his car. He hated himself for his cowardice because none of what he was thinking about the physical evidence of the case could be right. He had to be reading it wrong. Too much work, not enough sleep, and the stress of so much violence in town. Just a stress thing, that’s all.
Weinstock sipped his Scotch and in his mind the seeds of some very dreadful thoughts were beginning to take root.
(5)
Through the window they could see the stars shimmering like embers. The fingers of an old tree scratched the attic shingles. Pale clouds drifted like faint ghosts across the sky, sometimes covering everything with darkness, sometimes invisible, always riding the easterly wind. It was October 5 and midnight was newly laid to rest. Everything looked and felt the way it should in October—blustery and mysterious. With the storm shutters thrown wide and the curtains pegged back, Crow and Val could see the night sky from her bed. She lay with her head on his chest, and he had his arms around her, and around them both was a thick patchwork quilt her mother had made years ago.
“You sure everything’s locked up?” she asked, and Crow nodded.
“Did I hear you on the phone when I was downstairs?”
“Uh-huh. I called Connie.”
“Ah. How’d that go? How is she?”
“She’s still mostly out of it, but at least she’s talking now. Just a bit. Girl stuff, mostly. And about Mark.” She sighed. “Mark’s still being so mean to her.”
“I know.”
“He’s not like Dad at all. I mean…there is a good heart there, but he’s always so afraid of things. Never takes risks, never looks outside the box. Right now he could make a hero out of himself if he just stopped trying to lay blame on Connie. Or on himself. It solves nothing. It’s stupid for him to feel bad because he couldn’t stop Ruger.”
She snuggled against him. “I wonder what makes a man like Ruger tick. What makes him so…
Crow just shook his head, not wanting to share his thoughts.
“Baby,” he said gently, “I don’t know about you, but this is not a conversation I want to have before going to bed.”
She smiled, kissing him again. “Yes, doctor.”
Outside the wind was blowing the trees and the bushes and whistling through the ironwork of the weathervane.
Twice that night Crow tried to initiate lovemaking with her, and twice he failed. Both times it started well, with tenderness and slowness and care, not just for their mutual injuries, but for the hurts inside; but each time as Crow had moved to be on top of her, as he nestled down between her warm, soft thighs, for just a moment Crow’s face had been replaced in Val’s mind by the grinning face of Karl Ruger. The first time she had yelped—nearly a scream—and Crow had moved off her, confused and hurt, instantly embarrassed by his nakedness, wondering what he had done wrong, if he had moved the wrong way. It had taken a long time for her to articulate enough of what she was feeling for him to get it, and the process had to work its way through the thicket of insecurity and rejection that such a reaction had inspired in him.
The second time was over an hour later, after they had talked about it and then lapsed into quiet they began light touching, gentle kissing, and ultimately circled back to the same moment. She didn’t yelp this time; she didn’t scream—instead Val’s entire body went tight and rigid and the sweet kisses turned to sourness on her lips. Crow’s caresses changed from sensual to harsh. It was as if she could actually feel the calluses of Ruger’s brutal hands on her thighs and breasts, and Crow could see the revulsion ripple in waves across her face.
