“Please…please go. Now, please.” He started to pull away, but her hand moved up to his neck, pulling him closer.
“Don’t,” she said.
He tried to push away but her hand grew firmer. “Don’t,” she said.
He began to tremble and shut his eyes.
“Don’t” she whispered.
Something ripped inside his chest and he fell against her. Her arms encircled his back and she pulled him to her. He began to cry.
Louis stepped out onto the porch, stretching his arms up over his head. He looked left, to where the setting sun had left a smudge of orange over the western trees. Dusk had always been his favorite time to run.
He hadn’t run in years, except for that one time with Zoe, and was probably risking a muscle pull but he didn’t care. He had to get out. Running had always helped him clear his head, helped him think straight, and God knew he needed help with that right now.
Stretching his calves, he thought about his appointment earlier that afternoon over in Grayling with the psychiatrist Vincent Serbo. He was a phlegmatic old fart, used to treating depressed housewives and wigged-out military types from the base. He told Louis that in his thirty years of practice he had never seen a police officer. He seemed fascinated by the smallest detail of cop life.
Not that Louis had volunteered much. He knew that seeing a shrink was standard procedure after a shooting, especially when it involved another cop. But he didn’t share his feelings with friends let alone strangers.
Besides, it was all crap anyway. Ollie’s death had been a hit to the gut but he would deal with it and get back to work.
He stepped off the porch, swinging his arms to get the blood moving, and started down toward the shoreline.
“Hey, Louis!”
Louis turned to see Jesse walking down the road toward the cabin. He was in uniform but there was no sign of his cruiser.
Jesse came up to him. “Where you headed?”
“Going for a run,” Louis said. He hadn’t spoken to Jesse since the shooting. They hadn’t talked about anything since Gibralter had split them up. As glad as he was to see Jesse, Louis had trouble meeting his eyes.
“Where’s your unit?” Louis asked.
“I was over at Dot’s after shift and decided to take a walk, do some thinking. Been doing a lot of that lately, thinking.”
Louis nodded. “How’d it go at work today?”
Jesse gave a sigh. “Everybody’s pretty upset. Chief sent Florence home because she wouldn’t stop crying.”
Louis nodded again and looked out to the lake. He wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about Ollie’s death, even with Jesse.
“Louis, can we go in side?” Jesse asked.
“Sure.”
They went back in the cabin. Jesse pulled off his parka and sat down on a chair, wringing his hands, trying to warm them. He seemed edgy, even more than he had after finding Lovejoy. There were only two cops left now from the raid – he and Gibralter.
“You want a drink?” Louis asked.
Jesse shook his head.
Louis picked up a half-finished can of Dr Pepper and took a drink, leaning against the counter to wait for Jesse to bring up whatever was obviously on his mind.
“So,” Jesse said, “how’d the thing with the shrink go?”
“It’s bullshit, a game,” Louis said with a shrug. “I’ll tell the guy what he wants to hear and get back to work.”
Jesse just looked at him.
“What?” Louis said.
“I don’t know, Louis,” Jesse said. “I think you should take this a little more seriously.”
“Jess, spare me your amateur analysis.”
“You shouldn’t just shrug this off. I mean, Ollie died right – ”
“Jess,” Louis said, cutting him off. “Enough. I’m all right.”
“You’re not all right. I heard the tape.”
Louis turned. “What tape?”
“The radio transmission. You sounded fucked up.”
Louis stared at him. “Gibralter played the tape for you?”
“He played it at briefing.” Jesse shifted on the chair. “He used it as a training thing, played it for all of us and said that with Lacey out there we had to keep cool heads and – ”
Louis threw the empty soda at the sink. “Son of a bitch!”
“Louis…”
“Son of a bitch!” He stalked across the room, turned and went back. He picked up the small lamp off the end table. “Motherfucker.”
Jesse jumped up. “Louis!”
Louis set the lamp down with a thud and went to the fireplace. He braced himself against the mantel, head down.
“Nobody thought anything about it,” Jesse said.
“Shut up, Jess,” Louis muttered. “Just shut up for a minute.” After a moment, he turned. “Why is he doing this to me?”
Jesse watched him intently. “Sit down,” he said.
Louis didn’t move. But something in Jesse’s eyes finally compelled him to sit down on the edge of the sofa.
“He knows,” Jesse said.
“Who?” Louis asked.
“The chief.”
“He knows what?” Louis said sharply.
“About you and Jeannie.”
“Jeannie? Who the fuck is Jennie?”
Jesse looked at him oddly. “His wife.”
Louis shook his head. “Wife?”
“He knows…” Jesse hesitated, his face pained. “He knows you two are having an affair.”
Louis stared at Jesse in shock. “He thinks I’m fucking his
Now Jesse looked stunned. “Aren’t you?”
“No!” Louis said quickly. “I’ve never even met his wife!”
