'Bitter for me,' said Grimsdyke, settling himself on a wooden stool. 'Will you take the same?'
I nodded.
'I should explain,' Grimsdyke continued, as the landlord filled the glasses, 'that this gentleman behind the bar is really called Albert something or other, I believe…'
'Mullins, Sir.'
'Mullins, yes. But no one in Swithin's would have the faintest idea who you were talking about. For the memory of living man he has been known as the Padre…how many years have you been dishing out the booze here, Padre?'
'Thirty-five, sir, just on.'
'There you are! He remembers the present senior physicians when they were students themselves-and a pretty rowdy crowd, by all accounts. There was the incident of Loftus introducing a carthorse into the Matron's bedroom…'
The Padre chuckled loudly.
'That was a real night, sir! Nothing like it happens any more, worse luck.'
'Well look at the beer you sell now,' said Grimsdyke reproachfully. 'Anyhow,' he went on to me, 'this pub is now as indispensable a part of the hospital as the main operating theatre.'
'But why the Padre?' I asked cautiously.
'Oh, it's a custom started by the housemen. One can say in front of patients "I'm popping out to Chapel at six this evening" without causing alarm, whereas a poor view might be taken by the old dears if they got the idea their doctors drank. Besides, the old boy has a not unclerical function. He's a sort of father confessor, Dutch uncle, and Dr. Barnardo to the boys sometimes-you'll find out about it before you've been here much longer.'
I nodded acknowledgment for the information. For a minute we drank our beer in silence.
'There's just another thing,' I began.
'Speak on, my dear old boy. I am always too glad to give what help I can to new students. After all, I have been one myself now five times.'
I pointed silently at the shiny brass helmet.
'Ah, yes, the sacred helm of St. Swithin's by God! Feared and coveted in every medical school in London. You must learn about that before you go any further. How it got there, no one knows. It's been the property of the rugger club for longer than even the Padre can remember, so I suppose one of the boys must have lifted it on a Saturday night years ago. Anyway, it has now become a totem, a fetish, a fiery cross. For the big matches against Guy's or Mary's and so on the helmet is laid on the touchline for luck and inspiration. Afterwards it is filled with beer and emptied by all members of the team in turn.'
'It would hold a lot of beer,' I observed nervously.
'It does. However, on the occasion of qualification, engagement, birthday, marriage, or death of rich relatives, the thing is taken down and the man stood a helmet of beer by his friends. Are you engaged or married?' he asked suddenly.
'Good Lord, no!' I said. I was shocked. 'I've only just left school.'
'Well…anyhow, it's quite a point with me at the moment. But to return to our helmet. Often the gentlemen of lesser institutions attempt to steal it-we had quite a tussle with a gang of roughs from Bart's last season. Once last year some fellows from Tommy's got it as far as the River, but we won it back from them on Westminster Bridge. By Jove, that was an evening!' He smiled at the memory. 'One of the chaps got a fractured mandible. Will you have another beer?'
I shook my head.
'No thanks. I don't drink much, you know. Hardly at all, in fact. Only if I've been out for a long walk or something and I'm thirsty.'
I saw Grimsdyke wince.
'Of course, one must remember…' he began. 'You will find that in a little while at St. Swithin's you will learn enough bad habits to make life bearable. However, there is time enough for that. Padre,' he called. 'The other half for me, if you please.'
'Could you tell me…?' I began, feeling I had better collect all the information I could from my companion while he was talkative.
'Yes?'
'Why-why do you fail your examinations on purpose?'
Grimsdyke looked inscrutable.
'That is a little secret of my own,' he said darkly. 'Maybe I'll let you into it one day, old boy.'
I learnt about Grimsdyke's little secret earlier than he expected. It was common knowledge in the medical school and seeped down into the first-year students within, a few weeks of their arrival.
