The rutted road tosses Nathan from side to side on the seat. The inside of the bus is like the sky this morning, a silence condensing around every sleepy face. Everyone says good morning to Roy pleasantly, distantly. No hello is returned by Roy with any sign of hidden feeling. Nathan searches but finds no evidence of a girlfriend in these faces. But this thought hardly brings any peace. Nathan already knows Roy has a girlfriend at his church, and Roy goes out with her all the time.
At school Nathan leaves the bus with the first wave this time, letting Roy sit like a boulder. His coldness seems oddly expected. But Nathan remembers lying on their clothes in the cemetery, his hand on Roy's naked belly in the shadow of the obelisk. Roy will treat Nathan as he pleases, and Nathan expects the coldness. In the daylight Nathan will be invisible.
So at lunchtime Nathan sits away from Roy and his friends, at a table by the southern wall of windows, among the black kids. He drinks his milk and chews his macaroni and cheese. His mind, as he eats, is a perfect wash, free of any stray imagining. He avoids the smoking patio, after lunch, in favor of the lawn in front of the school, sheltered by the brick sign announcing FORKESTER COUNTY HIGH SCHOOL to the fields beyond. He sits in the shadow, hidden, and hums a hymn from church about the peace that passes understanding.
A new friend crosses the yard beyond, Hannah from Nathan's civics class. Hannah visits briefly, asking if Nathan is ready for the test on the American Constitution next week. Yes, Nathan answers. Hannah is pimpled and pleasant and talks for a while, idle and mundane chatter, but while she is there, Roy passes. His posture radiates anxiety, hands jammed into pants pockets, shoulders rigid. He sees Nathan and stands watching. He scowls and shoves his hands deeper.
Even now, even from this distance, his body draws Nathan toward it, and Nathan stands to join him; but suddenly Roy storms away, shoulders hunched, frowning.
The afternoon chokes Nathan, sitting in hot, dark classrooms with windows no teacher will open. He sits through advanced math with his Venus pencil poised, paper glaring at him from the desktop. Mr. Ferrette crumbles chalk against the chalkboard. When the final bell rings and everyone hurries toward the buses, Nathan walks toward his own bus with a small fear inside.
Roy straddles his vinyl saddle watching the accelerator pedal on the floor, books loose in one arm. Others enter before Nathan does; he nods to them; Nathan is too far away to read Roy's expression; but when Roy sees Nathan he turns, making a production of settling his books into the basket beside the seat. Momentum carries Nathan to the back of the bus, where he sits, quietly watching the top of Roy's head in the rearview mirror.
The drive home is tedious and tense at the same time, the bus a senseless rattling contraption that sends up a cloud of stinking exhaust, vapid voices, and vacant laughter. Nathan props his knees against the seat in front, glaring at the ridged rubber mat that runs the length of the aisle. No matter where he looks, he can feel Roy's sullen anger at the front of the bus. Roy scans the highway with lips set in a line. Nathan clutches his books against his stomach, remembering the softness of Roy's cheek, the taste of his mouth.
The bus makes its usual stops, the bodies thinning among the seats. Soon there are only a few voices between Nathan and Roy. Again soon, Nathan sits alone in the back of the bus and Roy alone in front; Roy stares forward and Nathan stares downward, each with equal stubbornness. Roy turns the bus down the dirt road through the Kennicutt Woods. Nathan cannot help but watch the strong arms turn the wide steering wheel, while Roy remains oblivious and shifts gears with precise violence. But, past the first few curves of the road, he pulls the bus to the side and stops.
Nathan watches in surprise. Roy sags back against his seat, arms falling limp at his side. His deep breathing is audible. "I got a question for you."
Nathan voice sounds timid, small in the empty bus. "What is it?"
"What were you doing with that girl in the front of the school?"
Studying the back of Roy's head for a clue. The mirror is empty. "Nothing. I was just sitting there and she came up."
"Oh sure," Roy says.
"She's in my civics class. She was asking me about this test we got."
"What's her name?" "Hannah something." "Do you like her?" "She's all right."
Roy's voice trembles a little. "Do you like her the way you like me?"
The question echoes into silence. "No."
Roy sits still. Nathan's heart pounds and calm is hard to find. Roy stands. He stares at the rubber mat as he walks down the aisle. He is shaking as he kneels beside Nathan's seat. "I don't know if I believe you or not."
Dream Boy "I'm telling the truth."
