She never asks where he shelters himself at night She never asks how he stays warm, where he sleeps. She pretends. Never once, during the whole week, does she neaten his bedroom, make the bed or fold the blankets in the corner. They lie as he left them, the night Dad tripped over the cord and Nathan fled. Time stopped. The room has become a haunted place.
On Thursday, when he has dressed for school and is headed out of the kitchen for the school bus, into the kitchen Dad suddenly lumbers, terrifying and large. He shambles toward the refrigerator in white underwear, his blue pocked belly overhanging the elastic, his craggy chest shivered with goose flesh. Nathan stops breathing, caught in the doorway. Dad smiles. The kitchen echoes with his cough. He ogles Nathan up and down and his eyes, red rimmed, fill with longing. He steps toward Nathan without warning and Nathan backs up, a corner catches him and all at once there is no world, there is only Dad's white belly shivering with blood and Dad's breath blowing down from above, the shadow falling over Nathan's face. Nathan's heart batters his ribs. A sound falters. Mom's voice emerges from the other room and her footsteps cause Dad to turn. "Who's in the kitchen, Nathan?"
She stands in the doorway to see. Her flesh has gone gray. She is staring at her husband as if he has stepped onto the linoleum from another world.
Nathan slips free of the corner and hurtles out of the house; breathless, he reaches the bus at a dead run. Pushing open the cold metal door, he huddles in the chilled interior till Roy finds him.
"Is anything wrong?" Roy asks, seeing his stricken face. But there are no words, no words will come. Roy, so close to his own parents and his own real life, does not even dare embrace him. He studies the light in Nathan's kitchen, a long time, before settling into the driver's seat.
Puzzled, mostly silent, Roy has remained a steady guardian. Each morning he has come to the bam early, to wake Nathan when he starts his chores. He warms the bus ahead of schedule and watches the back door of Nathan's house. He acts as if this is the most natural change of habit in the world, and they drive away. During school they keep to their usual pattern, eating lunch together, then hanging out on the smoking patio with Burke and Randy. At night they wander in the woods, along the edge of the pond and among the slanted shadows of tombstones. They never discuss what has happened. Roy never asks, and Nathan never volunteers.
They talk with their bodies. Roy says he is sorry again and again and never makes a sound. In the woods, in the shadow of the tombstone of Sarah Jane Kennicutt, on the path to the Indian mound; never in the barn, for fear someone will hear. Never near the houses. They hold each other on the borders of the farm, at the edge of wild country, they speak with their hands.
Sometimes when Roy watches, a question can be read in his eyes. Who is Nathan, why is Roy with him? Nathan can almost hear the words. Who is Nathan?
Roy goes away with his family to Wednesday night prayer meeting. Evelyn will be there. Nathan pictures her as blond and tall, with a sweet face, plump, round breasts and full, wide hips. She is waiting for Roy at the door to the sanctuary. She is holding a bouquet of flowers in her hand.
The late nights are the hardest times, after Roy says goodbye and closes the barn door. The smells, the unfamiliar shadows and sounds, trouble Nathan's sleep. The dirtiness of the mattress and the dust of the straw beside it make him cough, and at times he becomes afraid Dad will hear him. He wonders, when he will allow himself to think of it, how long he can go on hiding.
On Friday, while they are lounging on the smoking patio, Roy lets Nathan taste his bitter cigarette. He inhales sharply, the hot smoke searing his lungs. The choking and coughing that follow bring general laughter, and Burke and Randy clap Nathan on the back. There follows a moment of such sheer friendliness that Nathan loses his fear of Randy and even of Burke. When Nathan catches his breath they are talking about camping, about the trip to Handle they discussed when they were diving off the railroad trestle, Roy, Burke, and Randy. Roy is including
Nathan in the plans for the trip, and Nathan realizes with relief that this could solve the problem of how to get through the weekend.
Near the end of the day, Nathan finds Roy waiting outside Advanced Math. The surprise of his appearance helps Nathan to see him fresh and vivid once again, tall and strongly made in his jeans and denim jacket, the high bones of his face darkened with a trace of beard, his lips cut in a lopsided smile. Fierce eyes shock from beneath dark thick brows. Roy falls in silently beside Nathan and they head under the canopy to another class. "You think it's a good idea to go camping this weekend? If you're worried about your mom, I can ask her for you."
