And since Scarlett was aiming a rather large and bright orange flare gun at her chest, she immediately stuck her hands into the air, and so did her sister.
“If it isn’t the Murder Club,” said Gran, as she stared daggers at Liz and Bill and Olivia. Bill was lying face up on the bedside rug, passed out, but Liz and Olivia were still conscious, and decent enough to look both apprehensive and guilty.
“I’m sorry,” said Liz ruefully. “We didn’t want to do it, but I knew you were onto us.”
“Yeah, it’s that cat of yours, isn’t it?” said Olivia, giving me a nasty look. “I don’t know how this works, but he’s the one who caught us, isn’t he? The filthy red fatso.”
“For your information,” I said, much annoyed, “I’m not red, I’m blorange. And I’m not fat but merely big-boned. It’s a genetic thing.”
“And he’s not filthy,” said Brutus. “Max is actually very hygienic.”
“You tell them, sweetie,” said Harriet gleefully. She was proud of the part she had played, and so was Brutus. But the proudest cat in the room must have been Dooley.
“I saved your life, didn’t I, Max?” said my friend. “I actually saved your life for once!”
“Yes, you did, Dooley,” I said. “Thank you, buddy.” I decided not to mention that I knew these people were probably coming for us, and so I’d been on high alert. I had even told everyone to expect the unexpected at any moment, and so we were all prepared. And a good thing, too!
“So what were you planning to do?” asked Gran. “Stab the cats and smother me and Scarlett?”
“Something like that,” said Liz.
“How were you going to make that look like natural causes?”
“We weren’t going to leave the cats lying around,” said Olivia. “What do you think we are? Stupid? No, we were going to bury them in the woods, and leave the window open to make it look like they’d run away when they found the two of you dead.”
“My cats would never run away,” said Gran. “They would stick around and defend us to their dying breath.”
“Well, maybe not our dying breath,” Harriet muttered.
“Yeah, we’re cats, not dogs,” Brutus added.
“I don’t understand why, though,” said Scarlett. “Why kill all these people?”
“Oh, stop your whining,” said Olivia, who turned out to be a lot nastier than I thought. “They were old and dying. So what if they died a couple of days or weeks before their time? We were doing them a favor. Making sure they died peacefully in their sleep.”
“Bill is an ace at that kind of thing,” said Liz proudly as she darted a look of concern at her husband. “He’s very gentle.”
“He killed more than a dozen people!”
“Yeah, but in the most humane way possible. He calls it death with dignity.”
“And all this for a little bit of money?” asked Scarlett, who was still holding on to that flare gun and aiming it straight at Liz’s chest.
“Not a little bit of money,” said Olivia, who sounded offended. “We raked in millions. More than the two of you will ever see in your miserable pedestrian little lives.”
“Well, our lives may be pedestrian,” said Gran. “But at least we don’t go around murdering people!”
“How did you know we were coming?” asked Liz, but then caught my eye, and grimaced. “That darn cat! He gave the game away, didn’t he?”
“I hate cats,” said her sister. “I’ve always hated them, and now more than ever!”
Bill chose this moment to come to. He got up from behind the bed like a genie out of a bottle. And he was just about to attack Gran when the sound of a police siren caught his attention. He glanced over to his wife, who shook her head once, and then he dropped his hands next to his body and sagged against the wall.
“We should never have told you about Murder Club,” Bill said, rubbing his eyes.
“Don’t rub your eyes, honey,” said Liz. “You’ll only make it worse.”
“Bill is right,” said Olivia. “We should have respected the first rule of Murder Club. Never talk about Murder Club!”
“That’s what you get for being kind to people,” said Liz. “For trying to be nice.”
“Is Bill crying, Max?” asked Dooley.
“No, I think it’s the pepper spray,” I said. “Somehow I don’t think these people are capable of remorse.”
“Well, looks like this is the end of Murder Club,” said Scarlett cheerfully. “And good riddance, too!”
49
We were in the backyard of Marge and Tex’s house, where a family barbecue was in full progress. Tex was handling the dispensing of items from the grill, and Marge was handling the French fries, guacamole dip, cucumber salad and all the other delicious things that make a family get-together something to remember.
Another reason this particular get-together wouldn’t be easily forgotten was that Gran and Scarlett were finally home again, and so were the four of us.
No less than three killers had been caught, and Chase had just spent a grueling couple of hours interviewing the Murder Club trio.