“Speak it. Yes. Well I’ll try. Gun-holding and shooting. I could maybe to save my mother’s life or some innocent’s or mine. Definitely my mother’s and mine, if I wasn’t the one responsible, and the innocent’s if it was a child. Even if I was responsible, though if my mother was responsible I would too but without any question. And even if the innocent wasn’t a child, and in fact wasn’t even completely innocent, but a lot more innocent than the other person, though that I’d definitely have to know. The circumstances of their dispute, I mean, before I’d step in with a gun, though I don’t see any reason for my ever getting hold of one. But if I was suddenly holding one, how would I know how to use it? And if I tried to and it didn’t go off or went off wrong, I’d be asking, in stepping in for this innocent, to get shot at and killed. For my mother and no doubt myself, I’d try to use the gun even if I didn’t know how to — and I’m talking about a gun against gun or something comparable to one. That is, if nothing else worked before that or I could see that nothing would and I now had no time to do anything else.”
“A country’s the same when it’s fighting the enemy,” shorter man says. “You have to think of each of them as different families or separate lives. Your country’s your mother, the enemy’s the mugger.”
“That’s good — mother-mugger — but there’s too much involved with countries. I can’t balance it. Killing in self-defense I can. Someone comes at you, it’s ‘Hey, this is my life, what’re you doing, lay off,’ and there’s a rock there and whack, you crack him. Or a gun, and if not shooting it, then with the butt. Now if it’s a woman or kid coming at you, and a girl more so than a boy — I don’t know. Or your mother — same thing — in defending her. ‘Hey, this is my mom, what do you expect me to do no matter what she did, stand there?’—right? Really, between society’s needs and mine — and I know one takes in the other, etcetera, but so do the societies which are our enemies and so on — how do you justify my needs over its? Or my country attacking theirs or not, or defending itself, and how much to if we were responsible for the dispute? — but now I’m getting all unclear, my ideas. I’d have to write it, I’m not good at expressing it. But you can see how I feel. So what can I say? That I can probably help our army in an emergency in other ways. Translating, if we ever went to war again in the Orient. But only, I think, if what the army asks of me is right. Or the policies of our country in this particular crisis or war are right, which is probably in most cases impossible to find out, just because in any crisis the army or country, for tactical reasons, probably mostly always lies.”
“Oh, you know?” shorter man says.
“Not personally. But from newspapers I—”
“What, the
“The
“So why didn’t you try that device when you were drafted?”
“I’m sorry — I said so many things. You mean asking for alternative service?”
“Others did. C.O.’s.”
“Right — C.O.’s. Well. But look, what am I here, on military trial? No, I don’t want to joke about it, but you’re — or maybe it’s just when I get into a conversation that’s too loaded or potentially so—”
“I’m talking considerately to him, aren’t I?” to the ponytailed man, who nods and shrugs. “Considerately, not maliciously — all you have to do is listen to my voice to know. So don’t answer me if you don’t want to on anything. That’s the prerogative of all free people, which we should be, governmentally and on the street. Because what I like about our talk so far is that we’ve been so flexible, listening without friction, so please let’s not spoil it.”
“It has been easy,” ponytailed man says.
“It actually has, and honestly, no harm meant from here either. Okay. I just didn’t want to go into the army — but then, I mean, then. Maybe I shouldn’t go on.”
“Finish up,” shorter man says. “I’m interested, and no more interruptions.”
“I didn’t say much,” ponytailed man says.
“I meant from us both.”
