Dear Mr Mogilyov,
I have no idea if I am right adressing you as «Mr Mogilyov» or if I shall promptly write «Andryusha» instead. This is very embarrassing…
«It was the nightingale,» true enough, to quote from Shakespeare. (I am not sure about the accuracy of my quote, and about the accuracy of my punctuation either.) «But not the lark.»
Nightingales only sing at night.
Do you think you can be a lark that welcomes the sunrise? Because, as you very insightfully put it, I am still young, and very much so. I cannot — sorry to say that — spend the whole of my life talking about poetry or people who, all of them, are dead by now.
I can assure you that — my courage now when I am writing it almost takes my breath away — that I love you very much — as a sister. I never stopped doing this… Which is not what you exactly want, right? Neither do I see this goddamn «sisterly love» of mine as a good basis for a proper relationship.
Oh, if only you could be a little bit more energetic! But no; to be more energetic in your case means to denounce your own self. By becoming more energetic, you will stop to be yourself, the person I know — and love — as a sister. I don» t consider a short affair with this other person, with someone I never knew before, an option. Not at the moment.
Deep sigh…
Do you think you can come up with a solution? Cannot something possibly be done, Mr Mogilyov, sir? Or shall I call you Andryusha? No, I shan» t. Sorry for this «Andryusha,» and sorry for yesterday» s embrace. It now feels like a lump in my throat, and I am on the verge of tears.
Please forgive me for this somewhat cruel letter. What else do you think could I have written! I am not someone who enjoys writing long texts. Writing an email to me was a bad idea from the very beginning. You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option, which was my saying that I do doubt your ability to «become a lark,» metaphorically speaking, even though my «sisterly love» for you is still there — which, I am sorry to say, doesn» t change anything.
P. S. Do you know that Ivan basically tried to make love to me these past hours? He was of course very polite, and civil, and all that. Still, I don» t think I am mistaken about his intentions. Very funny, isn» t it?[120]
