It occurs to me that these are the ones likely to find me in the morning. I hope it’s the thug son and not the nurse.
I probably went straight home to bed and slept for days on end. The first thing I usually do after waking is take a nap. This is probably unimaginable to most people. They’d tell me I should go see a doctor if they ever cared enough to suggest such a thing.
I would tell them to stop themselves and mind their own for once in their lives. It’s probably funny that the first doctor to examine me without beating me will be performing an autopsy. Perhaps they can figure out what the fuck was wrong with me. Maybe it’ll turn out I did have anemia all along. That would be funny, too. Although, I don’t really know what they’ll find and I don’t think I care and since I don’t know anything about this, I should stop myself already. I do hope they send the report to my mother so she can finally have some answers, if she is still alive. She is the kind of person who can live a hundred years and never once consider hanging herself in the backyard, so I’m sure she will be around to receive the report. Perhaps I will request they find her. I should think they’d comply with my final wishes, particularly when it comes to a one-hundred-year-old mother. I can’t imagine being as old as she is now, can’t imagine how much sleep I’d require at that age. This is yet another reason I will hang myself in the backyard today. I hope I will have the energy to do this right and I’m sure I will. I trust they will perform an autopsy, as I believe it is customary. I’d like to think they’ll find that I had something that no one else in the world ever had. I’d like to think that after I’m gone they will say something like this about me in the autopsy report. Perhaps they’ll even name this condition after me. Maybe then my mother can know once and for all what was wrong with me and that it was no way to go through life.
THE WAITRESS DELIVERED the food and drinks in a single carry.
I was like everyone else in the diner. We were a congregation of unhealthy people with no alternatives and no resources. I’d been coming here every day for weeks.
Earlier I had walked through a hard-hat area without a hard hat. The sign said I should beware, but I never pay attention to signs, am never wary of anything.
Lately I’ve had heartburn every night and wake up with a headache every morning.
I told the waitress thank you. I told her she was impressive. She looked me in the face and smiled. I felt genuine warmth coming from her. I could tell she was a good person.
She said you are very welcome. I wanted to give her another compliment, so I said, You have nice tits. She smiled again, said, You are a sweet one.
It was true. I’ve always been sweet. People tell me this.
The headache always starts at the top and then works its way down in every direction. I almost fell to the ground when I walked through the hard-hat area, but I steadied myself on a bicycle rack. I’m sure no one saw me as this happened. Certainly someone would’ve tried to help.
She asked if I would like to touch them and I said of course.
I touched them for a solid minute.
All around the restaurant, people were eating and drinking and discussing current events, the people in their lives, how it was going all wrong.
No one saw what we were doing and I’m sure no one would’ve minded, no one would’ve tried to help.
She asked me what I thought and I said they were wonderful.
It was true. No one could disagree. They were wonderful.
This is what I wondered as I touched the waitress’s tits: I wondered if she had a happy childhood. I wondered if she participated in after-school activities, like bowling or Girl Scouts. I wondered if the mouse running roughshod in my apartment would realize his mistake soon. I wondered if my ex-wife was feeding the dog. I wondered how much longer I could live on bacon and eggs, home fries, and coffee. Finally I wondered if it would be like they said, like a piano on the chest.
This is when I took my hands off her tits, picked up my fork, and dug in.
I told her thank you again and she said, Anytime, Sweet.
I smiled for her real wide.
I went back to the eggs and the rest of my life.
