I Am a Strange Loop полностью

Perhaps the most bizarre aspect of my epiphenomenal marble was how sure I was that this “object” in the box was spherical and how confidently I would have provided an estimate of its diameter (about half an inch, like most marbles), as well as described how hard it was (as compared with, say, an egg yolk or a ball of clay). Many aspects of this nonexistent object were clear and familiar tactile phenomena. In a word, I had been sucked in by a tactile illusion. There was no marble anywhere in there — there was just a statistical epiphenomenon.

And yet, it’s undeniable that the phrase “it felt just like a marble” gets across my experience far more clearly to my readers than if I had written, “I experienced the collective effect of the precise alignment of a hundred triple layers of paper and a hundred layers of glue.” It is only because I called it a “marble” that you have a clear impression of how it felt to me. If I hadn’t used the word “marble”, would you have been able to predict that a thick pack of envelopes would give rise, in its middle, to something (some thing?) that felt perfectly spherical, felt like it had a size, felt extremely solid — in short, that this collective effect would feel like a very simple, very familiar physical object? I strongly doubt it. And thus there is something to be gained by not rejecting the term “marble”, even if there is no real marble in the box. There is something that feels remarkably like a marble, and that fact is crucial to my portraying and to your grasping of the situation, just as the concepts of “corridor”, “galaxy”, and “black hole” were crucial in allowing me to perceive and describe the phenomena on the screen of the self-watching television — even if, strictly speaking, no corridor, no galaxy, and no black hole were there to be seen.

Where the Buck Seems to Stop

I have recounted the story of the half-real, half-unreal marble inside the box of envelopes to suggest a metaphor for the type of reality that applies to our undeniable feeling that something “solid” or “real” resides at the core of ourselves, a powerful feeling that makes the pronoun “I” indispensable and central to our existence. The thesis of this book is that in a nonembryonic, non-infantile human brain, there is a special type of abstract structure or pattern that plays the same role as does that precise alignment of layers of paper and glue — an abstract pattern that gives rise to what feels like a self. I intend to talk a great deal about the nature of that abstract pattern, but before I do so, I have to say what I mean by the term “a self ”, or perhaps more specifically, why we seem to need a notion of that sort.

Each living being, no matter how simple, has a set of innate goals embedded in it, thanks to the feedback loops that evolved over time and that characterize its species. These feedback loops are the familiar, almost clichéd activities of life, such as seeking certain types of food, seeking a certain temperature range, seeking a mate, and so forth. Some creatures additionally develop their own individual goals, such as playing certain pieces of music or visiting certain museums or owning certain types of cars. Whatever a creature’s goals are, we are used to saying that it pursues those goals, and — at least if it is sufficiently complicated or sophisticated — we often add that it does so because it wants certain things.

“Why did you ride your bike to that building?” “I wanted to practice the piano.” “And why did you want to practice the piano?” “Because I want to learn that piece by Bach.” “And why do you want to learn that piece?” “I don’t know, I just do — it’s beautiful.” “But what is it about this particular piece that is so beautiful?” “I can’t say, exactly — it just hits me in some special way.”

This creature ascribes its behavior to things it refers to as its desires or its wants, but it can’t say exactly why it has those desires. At a certain point there is no further possibility of analysis or articulation; those desires simply are there, and to the creature, they seem to be the root causes for its decisions, actions, motions. And always, inside the sentences that express why it does what it does, there is the pronoun “I” (or its cousins “me”, “my”, etc.). It seems that the buck stops there — with the so-called “I”.

The Prime Mover, Redux