Qwilleran looked up sharply. "What's all that noise?"
"They're picnickers and day-trippers," Nick said. "They're supposed to use the public beach on the other side of the island, but they like our sand. You can't blame them."
Qwilleran left him and ambled across the road to the beach, where children were screaming and throwing sand and having a wonderful time; young adults were rocking to boom boxes; and volleyball players were yelling good-natured threats and insults. The scene gave him an idea for a satire on tourism, and he went back to Four Pips to set up his typewriter on the snack table. What he had in mind was a skit spoofing package weekends. It would require a cast of two: a tourist couple in shorts, sandals, and Pear Island T-shirts. The scene would be the hotel porch with rocking chairs. The tourists would be rocking, eating a box lunch, and reading aloud from an advertising flyer.
FANTASTIC FUN-FILLED WEEKEND
ON WONDERFUL PEAR ISLAND
ONLY $149.50
(Children under 12, 15% extra)
Friday Afternoon ... You are met at the jet-port by our friendly guide, who will give you a pear-shaped luggage tag (one per person) and a discount coupon for a T-shirt. Depart promptly for enchanting Moose County aboard a deluxe single-engine prop aircraft with seat belts and headrests. Peanuts will be served in flight, with only one scheduled stop for refueling, repairs, . and use of facilities. Arrive at Moose County airport and proceed in the comfort of a converted school bus to an all-night restaurant famous for pirogi and boiled cabbage. After a delicious repast, continue to the historic Hotel Booze in the unspoiled lakeside town of Brrr, where you will spend your first exciting night.
Saturday ... After a complimentary breakfast
(choice of biscuit or muffin), you depart on a delightfully quaint coal-burning ferry for the voyage to the island. (Life preservers provided, but passengers are advised to use facilities before leaving hotel.) Enjoy the rare thrill of feeding the seagulls that follow the boat. (Bird bread not included.) Folding chairs available for passengers over 75. (Birth certificate required.)
On arrival at fabulous Pear Island, transfer to the spectacular Pear Island Hotel to register and receive your generous sample of mosquito spray. Your first day is entirely free—for walking around, splashing in the hotel pool, and rocking in the hotel's fifty rocking chairs. Watch the ferries unload; write postcards; shop for T-shirts; buy fudge; and thoroughly enjoy yourself. Feeling adventurous? Walk to the Riviera-type stone beach to hunt for agates. (Not included in the package: carriage rides, bike rentals, fishing parties, or lunch.)
Your exciting, fun-filled evening begins with a memorable dinner featuring the hotel's Very Special Chicken and a choice of sinfully delicious desserts: pears Romano, pears Chantilly, or pears Escoffier. Live entertainment follows, headlining the celebrated "Maestro of Moose County" and his accordion. When you retire after your full day of fun, you will find an individually wrapped square of fudge on your pillow. Sweet dreams!
Sunday . . . The excitement begins with a sumptuous breakfast buffet offering 85 items. (Choose any four.) Then it's "all aboard" a specially prepared hay wagon for a ride to Lighthouse Point via the exclusive West Beach Road.
See the summer homes of the rich and famous! Photograph the picturesque lighthouse! See where hundreds of ships sank and thousands of persons drowned! Thrill to the sound of gunfire in the woods! After lunch (not included), you board the ferry and bid a reluctant farewell to magical Pear Island, an experience you will never forget.. .And only $149.50, based on triple occupancy! Price includes a short-term life insurance policy plus a free cat for each and every visitor to take home. Choice of colors. (Black-and-whites temporarily out of stock.)
Writing the skit put Qwilleran in a good mood for an evening with the Rikers, and shortly before eight o'clock he called for a carriage and picked them up at their bed-and-breakfast.
"How do you like the Island Experience?" he asked.
"It's a dream!" Mildred exclaimed. "The innkeepers are positively charming!"
"But their rates are atrocious!" Arch said. "Do you know what we're paying for that suite you reserved? There's only one other guest registered; that should tell you something."
"But the decor is exquisite," Mildred insisted, "and there's a lovely arrangement of fresh flowers in our suite. Pink carnations and snapdragons."
"Frankly, I think those two women are just going through the motions of innkeeping," her husband said. "They take the inn as a loss for tax purposes, while they spend the summer getting sloshed in the gazebo."
"Yes, they do seem to imbibe quite a bit," said Mildred, who was on the wagon. "Oh! Isn't that a hideous building!" she added as the carriage passed the Domino Inn.
"But it's popular," Qwilleran said.
"Because the prices are right; that's why," Riker snapped.
