Tracy Dole. I would keep my word and consider her. In many ways, Tracy and Beth were alike. I’d built a friendship with Tracy despite how spectacularly we had failed in our relationship freshman year. There was a lot to be said for being friends first. Looking back, I should have listened to my mom. She’d advised that we wait and not dive into a relationship. I believe if we had, asking Tracy to be my girlfriend now would be a no-brainer.
But I couldn’t forget what had happened, and that stopped me. This is going to sound terrible, but her mental stability was an issue. Depression wasn’t something where you could just decide one day that you were cured. Tracy very well might have it for the rest of her life. It would kill me if she ever hurt herself. I know myself; I would think of everything I might have done to prevent it, or how it was all my fault.
The obvious conclusion was that Tracy needed to be in the ‘friends zone.’
Pam Bell. Let me just put this out there so I don’t ignore it: she’s the mother of our son. That right there trumps all other people on my list. If Pam asked, I would marry her tomorrow.
With that aside, Pam was my sweet, innocent, and naïve California surfer girl. I just loved how she looked at the world with wide-eyed wonder. I just wanted to wrap her up in my arms and hold her close. She made me feel like her big protector, and that’s something my personality seemed to need. I was the fixer who rode in on my white horse to save the day.
I had no doubt that Pam would be in my life until I died. The only problem was she wasn’t ready for a committed relationship, and I loved that she was able to tell me that. Maybe she was my ‘someday’ girl.
If I was totally honest with myself, I would have to say it would come down to one of Brook Davis, Halle James, or Zoe Pearson.
Brook Davis. She was my go-to girl for adventure. She pushed me to do things I would love, but needed a little nudge to do. I was looking forward to learning to fly with her this fall. Her passion for politics set Brook apart from all the other girls. While it wasn’t in my immediate plans, my grandmother was grooming me to follow in my grandfather’s footsteps.
Two other factors made Brook appealing: she had money and she could stand up to the limelight. Those were two things that people don’t really get unless they live it. I still thought Teddy Wesleyan was a jerk in the way he protected himself, but I understood him better.
Clearly, as I stepped further out on the national stage, the press would be a bigger issue. I could just imagine working with an attractive actress for several months. It would take a strong, confident woman to understand that what she might read in the press wasn’t reality. I was sure Brook could handle that.
Brook also understood business. I was starting to find that was going to be something I needed to learn.
On top of that, I really liked her. I felt better when I was around her, and her energy helped revitalize me.
Halle James. First of all, she was gorgeous. She was Rita James’s daughter, after all. Halle appealed to my artistic side, be it movies, drawing, or dancing. I could envision us as a power couple in Hollywood. Setting Hollywood aside, Halle was probably different from me in a lot of ways.
She grew up in LA, and besides it being a big city, it had different attitudes than we had in the Midwest. Halle was much more aware of people, while I tended to be the last one to know when something was going on with someone. I contend that I always had Tami to tell me, so I never worried about it. Halle had to learn early on that some people will use you, so you have to be able to read their intentions. That didn’t mean she didn’t make friends and wouldn’t be someone I could fall deeper in love with. It just meant she took her time.
I’d noticed that in our relationship, she’d never pushed things. I expect it was partly because she was more cautious, but I believe it was also that she was confident. She knew we would be okay, so when I’d gone to live with her in LA, she didn’t throw herself at me. Halle must have known what would happen with me and girls in LA. She had the ability to step back and let it happen without making me feel like a complete heel.
Halle was also able to let me know I was important to her. I thought it was brave of her to fly to New York to come to see me after I’d wrapped up filming
I also knew that between her and her mom, I would learn a lot about the movie business. The money from that had been life-changing. I was smart enough to recognize that making movies was probably more than just an option—not that movies would decide my love life. Nonetheless, movie-making was an important part of my life, and Halle fit into that part nicely.
