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“What did I tell you, nothing like how we live,” he said to the audience. “Let me tell you how it is for the rest of us. When I was younger, I used to date. Let me describe the process, and you tell me if this happens to you. You’re familiar with rating women one through ten?”

I nodded.

“I would have a 6 ask what we were doing on a Friday night. Only I wouldn’t give her a straight answer because I’d be waiting to see what the 9 was doing, but then the 9 blows me off. So I’d text the 6 back to see if we’re still on, but she’s already made other plans. So instead I go out and get drunk with my buddies and end up with a 3! Happened to me almost every weekend,” he said to laughter.

“I have some questions. Maybe you can help me,” I said.

“Sure.”

“First of all, why would a 9 blow you off?” I asked with my best seriously confused expression on my face, which everyone laughed at. “I mean, I thought all 9s were into guys like us. And then, how is it you would end up with a 3?”

“Different life!” Michael crowed as we went to a commercial break.

He leaned over to talk to me.

“Great job. That was some funny stuff. When we get back, I’ll build you and your movie up,” he said.

◊◊◊

Our next stop was NBC Studios, where they filmed the other two shows. First up was The Early Late Show with Billy Stein in studio 6-G. I’d always liked Billy Stein because he had such a fun personality. The four of us—yes, Frank had made a new friend in the studio rep—were shown to a room to get ready. One of the production staff came in once we were settled.

“Billy will have you come out and talk about your new film. We’ll take a break, and then you’ll do a skit with him called Pup Quiz. You’re okay with puppies in your lap?” she asked.

“Puppies!” I said a little too excitedly.

My entourage looked at me like I was insane.

“Where?” I asked.

“I, uh, they’re in the back,” she told me.

I grabbed her hand.

“Show me,” I ordered.

“I have to see this,” Caryn said, and I soon had everyone following me.

I found the biggest fur-balls I’d ever seen in a huge pile. They were golden retriever puppies, and they were sound asleep. I considered waking them up but was afraid of the chaos that would follow.

◊◊◊

When I was called out, the interview was pretty much like the rest. This time they showed the scene where I take down the barbarian. I told them about how the actor had taken his role a little too seriously.

Then it was on to a break, and they set up the Pup Quiz bit. Billy and I were put into Barcaloungers, and they had a big screen so the questions could be displayed. Their announcer, Allen Paul, would play the host of the mythical game show.

“Welcome back to the Early Late Show. I am Allen Paul, and we are about to play Pup Quiz! Playing tonight is the host of the Early Late Show, Mr. Billy Stein. And from the new movie Star Academy, Mr. David A. Dawson,” Allen said as I made goofy faces at the camera.

They switched cameras to show Allen with a fuzzy puppy in his arms. They had been running this bit for a few months, and the puppies had gotten quite big. I had a feeling they would have to retire this particular sketch soon or get a new litter of puppies.

“This is the first puppy up for grabs, Snuggles,” he announced as he cuddled the puppy which caused the crowd to do a collective, “Awwww.”

“Now here’s how the game works. I will ask each contestant an animal trivia question. If they get the question correct, they get to keep the puppy. A wrong answer and your opponent gets the puppy. Since you are the guest, David, you’re up first,” Allen said.

“This is a tough one. What breed of dog is Snoopy? Is he ‘A’ … a pit bull? Is he ‘B’ … a Jack Russell terrier? Or ‘C’ … a beagle?”

I tried to act like I was thinking before I gave my answer. There was a clock sound ticking away to provide a little drama.

“No help from the audience, please,” Allen called out.

“I’ll go with beagle,” I said.

“Yes, that is correct!” Allen announced and handed me the puppy.

Holy cow, this puppy was happy to see me. I had to laugh when the pup decided he needed to try to lick my face off, which made the audience laugh as well.

“The next question is for you, Mr. Stein. Where do killer whales swim? ‘A’ … cold oceans, ‘B’ … warm oceans, or ‘C’ … all oceans?”

Billy rolled his eyes.

“You ask him a Snoopy question, and I get killer whales,” he complained. “I would guess cold oceans.”

“You would guess … wrong! David gets our lovely Sheela,” Allen proclaimed, as another puppy was put into my lap.

The pups apparently woke up rowdy because Sheela barked at Snuggles. I now had a lap full of puppies. There was a barking sound.

“You know what that means,” Allen said. “It’s time for Double Puppardy. Each question is now worth two puppies. You’re up next, David. A takin is an animal that is neither a goat nor a cow and found only in the following: ‘A’ … Canada, ‘B’ … India, or ‘C’ … Bhutan.”

I showed everyone in the audience my confusion.