At lunch, I could see that Brook had talked to everyone because when I sat down, the conversation died, and Miss Brook Davis wouldn’t make eye contact. I glanced around the table and saw that the girls were giving me dirty looks, while the guys seemed amused.
“What?” I asked.
“I thought we talked about Lisa Felton,” Tracy said.
“It’s not just her,” I blurted out.
Brook’s shoulders were shaking, and I could tell she was about to burst out laughing. Gina pounced.
“How many were there?”
I looked at Halle.
“If you would’ve just said we were dating, none of this would be happening,” I complained.
Her eyebrows rose into her hairline.
“You’re blaming this on me?” she asked.
“Quit distracting him. How many girls have approached you?” Gina asked.
“Three this morning,” I admitted.
“Way to go,” Yuri said and gave Jan a dirty look when she dug her index finger into his ribs.
“Leave the boy alone,” Wolf said. “It’s not David’s fault women are chasing him.”
“This I have to hear,” Tim said to be his straight man.
I had a bad feeling about this. I would bet the comedy duo had come up with something I wouldn’t like.
“It’s the ‘Tiger Woods Effect,’” Wolf enlightened us as if everyone would know what he was talking about.
When all he saw was confused faces, he explained.
“When we all first heard that Tiger had taken a nine iron upside the head, the response was split between how women saw it and men did. Women thought he deserved it, and men could understand how it could happen.”
“Cheating is terrible. How could guys think it was okay?” Tim asked, playing the role to the hilt.
“Good question,” Wolf said, warming to the topic.
“This can’t be good,” I mumbled when I saw the glares from the girls.
“I want to hear this,” Gina pronounced.
“At first, when it looked like Tiger had slipped, most guys could understand, and I even heard my dad defend him to my mom. He told her she didn’t know what this guy had been through, and she didn’t know what his home life was like. Dad said you couldn’t judge a guy because he made one mistake. I thought my dad was right.
“Then he gets called out for ten, eleven, twelve … I thought he might have a problem,” Wolf said.
“You’re damn right he had a problem. If he’d been smart, he would’ve hidden his golf clubs,” Tim said.
I had to agree with him on that.
“But it wasn’t Tiger’s fault,” Wolf said.
It was a good thing Wolf wasn’t Lot’s wife, or he would have turned to salt by the looks the girls gave him. The guys were all trying to keep a straight face.
“Think about it. Tiger Woods is on the road, playing golf, and after each match, he’s approached by women.”
“But he should be able to control himself. He was married,” Zoe said.
Wolf just shook his head.
“It all comes down to women wanting Tiger. He has to say no to attractive women who approach him,” Wolf said.
“What about ugly women?” Tracy asked.
“He would either have to put a pillowcase over her head or close his eyes,” Yuri said.
He acted like he didn’t understand why Jan hit him. I swear he would never learn. Wolf was smart and ignored her question.
“Most of us are not Tiger Woods, so we’re never put into the position of having to say ‘no.’ It’s much easier if you’re never asked,” Wolf said, which made me smile.
“I would never cheat,” Phil, my half brother, said.
“He makes my point for me,” Wolf said, which got everyone to chuckle.
“Bite me,” Phil complained.
“Apparently, that’s why you’re still a virgin,” Wolf teased.
“Easy,” I warned before I had to pull Phil off my friend.
“Then consider this. Tiger doesn’t get any credit for the women he turns down. I mean, if he only says ‘yes’ one percent of the time, we need to give him credit for the ninety-nine times he said ‘no.’ I mean, seriously, if he only had sex with one, how is that a problem?”
He had the guys nodding.
“So, you’re saying David is our Tiger Woods?” Halle asked.
“Oh, come on! He said no to Lisa Felton. Shouldn’t he get some credit for that?” Tim asked.
Apparently not.
◊◊◊
Before we left for the day, Tim and Wolf cornered me on my way to my car.
“Did you have any more girls approach you?”
“Yeah, one,” I admitted.
“Okay, first of all, you’re a wuss,” Wolf said. “Second, we have a plan to help you.”
Tim was nodding.
“You need to send them to us.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“Send them to us. We’ll try them out and only send you the ones that’re up to your high standards,” Tim said.
“We could test-drive them. That way you’d only have to deal with the quality talent,” Wolf said. “Plus, think about it. This isn’t LA. We live in a small town where everyone knows each other, and if you cut a wide swath through the female population, there will be consequences. You don’t want parents to start hearing rumors about how you’ve changed and are sleeping your way through Lincoln High.”
“You guys are willing to take that risk?” I asked.
They both nodded.
“What are friends for?” Tim asked.
