“The plan is to let him get drunk and act the fool. Missy and Lisa have volunteered to help him get falling-down drunk. Jim says that Kevin told him these Jell-O shots will put you on your butt if you’re not careful. When Mike passes out, they plan to strip him and draw with magic markers all over his body.”
I had an evil idea. Mike had sent me a picture of Mona after he’d had sex with her.
“We could have Ray recreate Mike’s picture of Mona.”
“David!” Tami screeched.
“Who’s Ray and what picture?” Alan asked.
“I’m not explaining that to him, and there’s no way I’ll let you do that,” Tami said.
She was right. My first ideas were never the best. If I didn’t already have an enemy for life, that would guarantee it.
“Who’s Ray?” Alan repeated.
I told him, and Alan looked disgusted.
“Don’t worry, she said I couldn’t do it,” I said to defend myself.
“Sometimes I don’t even know you,” Alan said, getting on his high horse.
“Oh, bite me.”
Like he hadn’t had some terrible ideas. He just wrinkled his nose, because the thing with best friends was, we had stuff on each other. He let it go. Tami rolled her eyes at us.
“I have a bunch of colored permanent markers,” I offered.
“Where did you get those?” Alan asked.
“He’s a movie star,” Tami said, guessing correctly.
I used them to sign pictures.
“What are you going to draw on him? Shouldn’t you have a plan?” Alan said, letting his OCD run amuck.
“What the hell, Alan?” I asked.
“If Jim wants to get revenge, he should have a plan,” Alan said.
Tami and I looked at each other. This was too good. I needed to hear what he was thinking.
“What kind of plan?” Tami asked.
“I don’t know, like a bag of dicks. You could draw one on each cheek pointed at his mouth and … uh … other places. Or, you could turn him into a woman. Draw boobs on him,” Alan suggested.
Tami giggled.
“Can you just see him if we did him up in eye shadow and makeup using the markers? We could make him look like Lady Gaga,” Tami said.
“I seriously don’t want to get involved with this. I’ll leave it to Jim to figure out the plan,” I said to end our brainstorming session.
This was another reason I didn’t drink. I could only imagine what my friends would do if I got so drunk they could do stuff to me. Maybe I would wake up with no eyebrows. I figured that they had slim to no hope of Mike getting so drunk he passed out. It was fun to dream, though.
◊◊◊ Friday March 17
Moose had let us out of practice because we had two games tomorrow. I received a text from Tracy, reminding me I had my mystery date tonight. She hadn’t told anyone who it was. I’d let it slip to Alan, and he was on it, but couldn’t get Tracy to reveal her name. I warned him she carried pepper spray, and that seemed to slow him down.
All I knew was that I was supposed to go to Tracy’s house at seven and that she had it all planned. I tried to ditch my security but found Fritz waiting for me in the kitchen before I left. Mom was feeding him a bowl of chili. I’d had some when I got home, and it was spicy.
“Where are you going tonight?” Mom asked.
“Tonight is mystery-date night. Tracy planned it.”
“That’s nice. Tell Tracy thank you. Your dad and I will have the house to ourselves tonight.”
“Where are Peggy and Little David going?” I asked.
“She’s spending the weekend at her folks’ house and took Duke with her.”
Last time she’d left for the weekend to her parent’s house, Duke had moped around until she brought Little David home. Evidently, he had a new master.
Dad strolled into the kitchen. It was evident that he’d just showered.
“You’re still here?” he complained.
“I could use some spending money,” I said.
Dad made a big show of searching his pockets. Then it struck me.
“Hey, how come I don’t get an allowance? You give Greg money,” I complained.
“He’s our favorite. Plus, he doesn’t have sunglasses money,” Mom said.
On that note, I decided to leave. I knew when I wasn’t wanted.
◊◊◊
When we arrived at Tracy’s, I invited Fritz in to meet them, but he chose to be professional and stay in the car. When I rang the bell, Tom answered.
“Hey, stranger. My wife was just complaining that you haven’t been over for dinner.”
“I wish I had time. Somehow, I’ve figured out how to use it all during the week. I miss spending time cooking with her,” I admitted.
Tom stopped me in the entryway.
“Where did you meet this girl?” he asked.
That confused me, so I cocked my head to the side.
“What do you mean?”
“She is
“David?” I heard Mary call out, and then she walked out of the kitchen.
She came over, gave me a hug, and kissed my cheek.
“I was just telling Tom that you need to come over more often.”
“How are things with him going to Chicago during the week?” I asked.
“We’re figuring it out. They put him up in a condo close to the office.”
“Did you and Caryn work out what you planned for Kendal? Ms. Dixon said she wanted to hire her,” I said.
