“Dad, Mom has looked a little tired lately. When was the last time she had a checkup? You know … for …” I left it to hang.
Mom slowly turned on me and gave me the ‘death stare.’
“When was the last time you were checked?” Dad asked.
“I’m perfectly fine. You two can just back off,” Mom announced.
“She should get checked before we go on vacation. Who knows what kind of doctors they’ll have down there?” I suggested helpfully.
“David Allen Dawson!” Mom barked.
“He’s right. I couldn’t go and worry about you the whole trip,” Dad said.
“Looks like it’s time for us to go run,” I said as Peggy came down with Little David.
The argument started as I ran out. I felt bad, but I also loved my mom too much to leave something like this to chance.
◊◊◊
When we got outside, I told Peggy I needed to think. She agreed to take Duke with her and Little David. She had been around me enough to know I’d put my earbuds in and zone out. Peggy knew better than to try to run with me when I did that because I would set too brisk a pace and might run forever.
It felt good to run this morning. The weather had started to warm up, and you could smell the beginning of spring. The grass was greening up, and the crocuses and tulips were pushing up and would soon be blooming. I felt like it was time to make a decision and tie up loose ends. In particular, I was sick of the NCAA dragging their feet about my amateur status.
Then it struck me. Why would I have to worry about the NCAA if I accepted the Star Wars role?
You know how your mind seems to be constantly active? Uncle John once told me of a saying that the mind is a drunken monkey that’s been stung by a scorpion. Well, mine decided to do a Dawson and go silent. Even when I was in the zone and completely focused, I was at least ruminating on the task at hand.
That’s when the torrent began, and the ‘what ifs’ began to flood my brain space. I mean, I wanted to take this role, but what if … I kept going ’round and ’round and ’round in my mind, until I found myself just standing in the middle of the street, staring at the sky. It was lucky for me there was no traffic. I looked around and was surprised to see Coach Haskins sitting on his porch, drinking coffee.
“Hey, Coach,” I said, waving.
“Shouldn’t you be in school?”
I shrugged as I joined him on the porch and sat down next to him. I looked at his view from the front porch and could see he lived in a nice neighborhood. It was all older homes with big trees. Everyone seemed to be keeping them up. Coach Haskins finished his coffee.
“You want one?” he asked.
“No, thanks,” I said, and he stepped inside to get a refill.
When he came back out, he gave me a tight smile.
“Something bothering you?”
“I have to make a decision that could change my life,” I said.
“Really, one of those?”
“Yeah. I just can’t figure out what to do. Either way I go, I’ll be disappointing people in some way.”
“Sounds like a hard one,” he said as he blew on his coffee and then took a sip.
We sat there in silence as I tried to figure out what the deciding factor would be.
“Do you know what you want to do?” he asked.
“If I do it, I’ll have to leave all this,” I said, pointing to the street. “I’ll have to leave home. I’ll leave my friends and family to go make my way in the world.”
“That’s called growing up, David. At some point, you won’t have a choice. High school might seem like it’s everything right now. But when you get to be my age, you’ll look back and realize it was a tiny part of your life. An important part, but small all the same.
“I have fond memories of my high school and the friends I had. To be honest, I haven’t kept in touch. I sometimes wonder what happened to them. Did they get married, have kids … are they happy? I was only a little older than you are when I left to go play baseball, and I never looked back,” Coach Haskins said.
“Do you regret it?” I asked.
“Can’t say I ever even thought about it, so I guess not.”
I bit my lower lip. Was that what was going to happen? Would I go off and never look back? Mom had said almost the same thing, that I put too much emphasis on my high school friends. She was only really still close with Mrs. A. I was sure that I wouldn’t let that happen with my friends, no matter what my decision was.
I nodded and got up.
“Thanks for the talk,” I said and trotted off his porch.
He had a faraway expression on his face. I turned around and ran home.
◊◊◊
When I got back, Uncle John’s truck was in the driveway. I entered the kitchen and found him standing next to the coffee pot as he talked to my mom and dad. I stepped up to him and wrapped him in a big hug. Uncle John hugged me back and just held on as I got my emotions under control. When I finally loosened my grip and gave him an embarrassed smile, he looked me in the eyes.
“Come on, let’s go talk,” Uncle John said, then took me to the office and shut the door.
“I hear you got a huge offer. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.”
“So, what are you worried about? From what I hear, this might be a monumental opportunity.”
