We ended up talking about much more than my current problem with my mom. Once Grandma was certain we would be okay, she told me about herself and her life with my grandfather. She told me that one day I would get into politics and she’d help me. Grandma said I had my grandfather’s gift with people and should be of service to others. I wasn’t sure about that, but now knew I had someone I could absolutely count on. In the end, that was what mattered to me.
◊◊◊
When we finally came down, Greg, Dad and Uncle John were making dinner. If Uncle John was involved, we would be having something on the grill. He had planted a late batch of sweet corn, so we were going to be the beneficiaries of his forethought. While they cooked, my mom and my Grandma Felton came out of the office. Mom indicated she wanted to talk to me alone, so I went back into the office with her. Before I’d talked to my Grandma Dawson, I would have dreaded this, but now I was surer of myself and how I felt. I knew everything was going to be alright when she hugged me.
We said, “I’m sorry,” at the same time.
“Jinx,” she said and then laughed as she punched my arm.
“Can we just forget about the last few weeks?” I asked.
“The being mad at each other part I would say yes to, but I need to stop dictating to you. I was reminded of how I reacted to that when I was your age. You’re my youngest, and I sometimes forget that you’re growing up. You have to also accept that there are things I’m not willing to talk about. What happened between your father and me is private. What happened between you and Tami, I should treat the same way,” she said.
“I can live with that. I don’t ever want to fight with you again like this. I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, David,” she said as we hugged again.
“Are you and Dad okay?” I asked.
I watched as my mom broke down in front of me. I pulled her into my arms as she made a sound that wrenched my heart out of my chest. Then she beat her fists against me.
“It hurts, it hurts so much. You have to promise me something: you have to promise to never be with a married woman. If it causes this kind of pain, I could never live with myself knowing you did that.
“Oh, David! How could he? How could he step out on his sacred vow to me? We promised each other we would forsake all others. Promise me! Promise me right now!” Mom ordered.
“I promise. I will never help anyone break their wedding vows, including my own,” I said as hot tears streamed down my face.
All I could do was hold her as she cried it out. Dawson men aren’t built to handle crying women, but I could tough it out for my mother. Mom hadn’t let me in until that moment. I had no idea how deeply she’d been hurt when she found out my dad had a son with another woman.
I felt guilty about bringing Phil into our home, even if I didn’t know he was my brother at the time. Of course, this wasn’t his fault, but until my mom was okay with it, I wouldn’t invite him back. I didn’t need to bring the tangible reminder of my dad’s infidelity into our home ever again.
Mom finally was able to get herself back together.
“So, did your grandmother set you straight?”
“Did your mom do the same?” I asked, and she just smiled.
It was apparent that neither of us was ready to talk about what had been said behind closed doors. We seemed to agree to keep it that way, at least for now.
◊◊◊
I needed to get out of the house for a little bit, so I got into my Charger and went for a drive. I found myself at the entrance to the park with the winding road that led to the Mennonite farms. I punched it, the beast under the hood gave a roar, and I was slammed into my seat as the car rocketed down the road. There was nothing like the feel of power as the Charger did what it was designed to do: go extremely fast.
In what felt like only a moment I shot out of the park onto a country road. I smiled when I saw the Pearson farm coming up and slowed down. I decided to pull in and see what Roc and Zoe were up to. Zoe came out of the barn, and it looked like she’d been working.
One of my fantasies was the Farmer’s Daughter. It was right up there with the Naughty Catholic Schoolgirl. Seeing Zoe in her boots, tight jeans, t-shirt, and a John Deere baseball cap was a real turn-on. She had her hair pulled back in a ponytail to keep it out of her face, but all it did was show off her long neck. I looked into her brown eyes and could see myself getting lost in them. Of course, Zoe had no makeup on, and the flush in her cheeks came from honest work. I tried not to be too obvious as I checked her out.
“Hey, what brings you out here?” she asked.
“I just got back from Michigan State and needed some time to myself, so I decided to take a drive.”
“Do you want me to go get my brother?” Zoe asked.
“No, I came to see you.”
Sometimes my bullshit works. From the embarrassed look I got, it seemed I had said the right thing. Maybe Pam was right, maybe Zoe liked me.
“What were you doing?” I asked.
“I was taking care of the horses. Want to help me?” she asked.
