“For like three minutes, but that’s not the point. The point is that if I’d listened, I might have been happier a few weeks later when she broke up with me. But in the long run, it would have held me back. Uncle John gave me the confidence not to listen to all the people who tell me I can’t do something. What it showed me was they weren’t really trying to hold me back because of me, they were holding me back because of them. They didn’t want me to change because they liked me the way I was. The sad part was that, at the time, they were my best friends, so I ‘knew’ they had my best interests at heart.
“A better example would be the friends I had in middle school who did drugs and drank. After Lily almost died, I was sent to Uncle John’s farm for the summer. I made a choice that I wasn’t going to drink or do drugs anymore. But I’d bet you if I asked any of them if I’d be better off not drinking or doing drugs, they would’ve said ‘no.’ They would tell me to keep drinking and getting high, that there was nothing to worry about. I no longer hang out with any of them because, from their perspective, I’m too straight.
“Uncle John explained that people might not accept that I would be making changes in my life. They would try to pull me back to the way I was before. If I still did drugs and drank, I would likely have that same set of friends.
“Well, I don’t have friends like that anymore. I’ve tried to surround myself with people who want me to succeed,” I finished.
“Exactly,” Uncle John said. “You finally became aware of that. Your awareness helped you make better decisions as to who you wanted to have in your life. You didn’t let their opinions influence the decisions you make any more.”
I nodded, thinking that in a lot of ways, this also described my relationships with Alan and Tami. Tami was more open to how I’d changed. Still, there were times when she said the right words, but her actions told me she didn’t really want me ‘growing up.’
“In the outermost of that second set of circles are people who give you a bad vibe,” Uncle John said, pointing at the paper. “For David’s purposes, they may wind up being what he sees as potential users. These are people who want to get to know David solely to get something out of him, or out of the relationship, whether that harms David or not. I know David’s already run into that kind of situation.”
Oh, God, had I! I remembered the plane trip where the fighter had sat next to me and tried to rob me. He’d given me a bad vibe as soon as he started talking to me.
I also remembered the party at State where a girl had approached me, and I’d had that bad feeling again. She’d tried to blackmail me into giving her some kind of sensationalistic interview by threatening to make up some bad stuff about me if I didn’t cave.
A more recent example was the girl in Cuba who turned out to be a highly paid escort when all was said and done. I probably should have cut her off as soon as I got that bad vibe. What made me happy was I did recognize what was going on, so I wasn’t completely blindsided. Paying her off, in the end, was, more than anything else, a decision based on my having seen how people in Cuba had to live.
What Uncle John said next didn’t help all that much.
“What you have to keep in mind is, a lot of these bad vibes are instinctive. Even then, you should trust your instincts until you absolutely know your instincts are wrong.”
Now that was a bit confusing. Tami had always told me my first instinct in responding to people was usually wrong, and history had borne her out. So how could I trust my instincts? A little more thought brought clarity. While my instinctive
That recognition made me snort to myself again. I realized those instincts were getting honed rapidly by the school of fame and hard knocks. I just hoped they kept getting better.
“Now look at the area outside the circles in the bottom half. Notice that area is separated from the top half by a line?”
When we nodded, he continued.
“Think of this area as potentially hostile territory. For example, at an away football game, fans might be hostile to you, or they might not be. The point is the possibility exists. Whenever you’re in that situation, it’s perfectly okay to be friendly and outgoing. But you still will want to keep your guard up a bit more, just because everything can turn south quickly,” Uncle John said, and then looked at me.
“Or imagine being in a press conference. The folks there generally are good people, but a handful would love to be able to make you look bad, especially if they get a story out of it. Often, it only takes one, so you may be friendly and outgoing, but you’re more alert for traps or for malice.
