She no longer heard the footsteps as her fingers located the clasp. She squeezed it together and was free. From the collar. She didn’t have time to scramble to her feet before she was pushed back down onto the gravel.
His naked body seemed shimmering white as he stood over her in the darkness with one foot on her chest. She stared at what he was holding in his right hand. What little light there was reflected on the shiny steel. It was a knife. A large knife. Still, she wasn’t scared. At least not as scared as when she had held her breath in the car. It wasn’t that she was unafraid to die, but it was as though her lust was stronger. She simply couldn’t explain it any other way.
He crouched down, put the blade to her throat, leaned forward and whispered in her ear: ‘If you scream, I’ll cut right away. Nod if you understand.’
She nodded mutely. He leaned back, still on his haunches. And she could still feel the cold steel against her neck.
‘I’m sorry, Helene.’ His voice sounded tearful. ‘It’s not fair that you have to die. You haven’t done anything, you’re not the target. You just have the terrible misfortune to be a necessary means.’
She coughed. ‘Ne... necessary for what?’
‘To humiliate and destroy Markus Røed.’
‘Because he...’
‘Yes, because he fucked me. And when he wasn’t doing that, I had to suck on that ugly fucking cock of his for supper and breakfast and sometimes for lunch. Can you relate, Helene? The difference is that in my case there were no fringe benefits. Apart from the bike that one time. And that he stayed with my mother, of course. Sick, isn’t it? That I was afraid that he would leave us. I don’t know if it was me or my mother who grew too old for him, but he left us for a younger woman with a younger son. All this was long before your time, so I don’t imagine you’ve heard about it.’
Helene shook her head. She could see herself from outside, lying naked and freezing on a gravel track with a knife to her throat. She could feel the stones digging into her skin; she saw no way out, maybe this was where life ended. And yet she wanted to be here, yet she wanted him. Had she gone mad?
‘My mother disappeared into a depression,’ he said in a tremulous voice, and she could see that he too was freezing cold now. ‘It was only when she was emerging from it again that she had the energy to do what she’d promised me so many times when she was drunk. She took her own life and tried to take mine. The fire brigade classed it as an accident, smoking in bed. Neither I nor her brother, Uncle Fredric, saw any reason to inform them or the insurance company that she didn’t smoke, that the packet they found had been Markus Røed’s.’
He fell silent. Something warm hit her breast. A tear.
‘Are you going to kill me now?’ she asked.
He drew a shaky breath. ‘As I’ve said, I’m sorry, but the life cycle of the parasites needs to be completed. So that they can reproduce, you see. I need new, fresh parasites when a new individual is to be infected. You understand?’
She shook her head. She wanted to stroke his cheek, it felt like she had taken ecstasy, the love was all-encompassing. But it wasn’t love, it was lust, she was just so fucking horny.
‘And, of course, there’s the advantage that the dead tell no tales,’ he said.
‘Of course,’ she said. She was breathing harder. As though she knew these were her final breaths.
‘But tell me, Helene, while we had sex, did you feel loved for a little while?’
‘I don’t know,’ she said, smiling tiredly. ‘Yes, I think so.’
‘Good,’ he said, taking one of her hands in his free one. Squeezing it. ‘I wanted to give you that as a gift before you died. Because that’s the only thing that matters, isn’t it? To feel loved?’
‘Maybe,’ she whispered, closing her eyes.
‘Keep that in mind now, Helene. Say it to yourself: I am loved.’
Prim looked down at her. Saw her lips moving. Forming the words.
He held on tightly to the knife handle. The vibrations letting him know that life was leaving her. After the blood spurted for a third time it began to flow. A few seconds later the knife told him Helene Røed was dead.
He pulled out the knife and sat down on the ground next to her. Wiped his tears. He shivered with cold, fear and the release of tension. It didn’t get any easier, it got worse. But these were the innocent ones. The guilty one remained. That would be something entirely different. Taking the life of Markus Røed would be a joy. But first the bastard would suffer so much that death would come as a deliverance.
