She had the runic vow memorised, she'd spent so many evenings staring at it. Unhesitating, cunning, unfailing, ruthless, and unyielding; driven to succeed….
But
He wanted her.
She was almost certain of it. He was currently torn between his determination to push her away and a desire to have her.
That was why he had been so enraged that she had been injured.
He couldn't dissuade himself to the point of not caring if she died, but he was determined not to give into wanting her and compromising himself. The Malfoys were possessive like dragons, Severus had said.
He knew what she was doing; what she had been sent to do. She could see it in the resentful way he stared at her. There was a vicious rage in his eyes that hadn't been there before.
But he'd become cornered by the realization that she would likely die if he didn't train her. The vampire attack had been remarkably good luck. If she'd tried to stage it it couldn't have come out better.
If she kept him near her, it was only a matter of time before he'd finally slip; he'd want her too much to keep holding back. The runes would assure it.
When that happened…
Hermione sighed.
When that happened she'd own him.
Unless he was so desperate to free himself of his obsession that he killed her.
In some moments, when she felt his eyes on her as they were dueling, it felt like a coin toss between the two. As though he were constantly weighing the options.
Confident as she had become in his attention, she wasn't confident enough to say whether she would survive it. There was so much about Draco Malfoy that she did not know or understand. When she looked at him, she could only wonder whether he was the type of person who destroyed the things he loved.
Whatever it was he wanted — his motive for spying — he'd killed countless people already to try obtaining it. If he thought she was in the way...she might be next.
Hermione twisted the strap of her satchel as she stood thinking.
She needed to prioritise training Padma during any spare time she had.
Padma had a decent aptitude for healing, she stayed calm under pressure and had a good head for memorising all the spells and variations. She did have trouble with the precision needed in certain healing wand-work, and she tended to rely on rote memorisation rather than embracing the creativity necessary for inventing counter-curses. But Hermione hoped that, with Poppy's help, Padma would be able to replace Hermione sufficiently.
Hermione had started taking Padma foraging with her. Someone else needed to know how to gather the local potion supplies; with winter approaching they needed to try to stock up. But Hermione was careful not to let Draco know she had a foraging partner. If he found out, he'd probably stop training her.
She foraged with Padma on Thursday mornings. Tuesdays she still went alone, but more cautiously.
Hermione needed to have everything in place before she tried to progress things further with Draco.
She watched the water sliding beneath the bridge and wondered if she was stalling.
She didn't want to die.
The past few weeks she'd found herself thinking about dying almost as much as she thought about Draco.
After feeling the vampire's fangs sinking into her shoulder, she was abruptly confronted with the fact that on primal level she had an absolute determination not to die. She hadn't realised how overwhelming the drive was.
Rationally she had always regarded dying as something she could face. For a good reason, she would gladly die.
But the instant she felt the terror of hands pinning her to the ground and teeth sinking into her flesh, the instinct to fight her way free and kill anything that got in the way had swallowed her mind. She hadn't realised how her survival instinct would superseded everything.
She hadn't realised how much she didn't want to die.
But if it came down to her and Draco, she probably would die. He could kill her so easily. Another corpse for his body count. She'd probably bleed together with all the rest of his dead after a while.
She smiled bitterly to herself as she thought about the contrast between them.
Hermione's body count was a representation of her failures. Everyone she hadn't saved.
Draco's body count was an illustration of his achievement. Everything he was and why he was valuable to both Voldemort and the Order.
Their relationship — whatever it was and wherever it was headed — felt like some cruel form of irony. It was as though they were the reverse of each other.
Yin and yang. They circled inexorably.
Somehow the war had tied them together
She apparated back to Grimmauld Place and went to find Kingsley.
Generally she spoke solely to Moody, but Alastor was in Ireland training new recruits with Remus and Tonks.