He released a short breath and pulled her closer, pressing his lips against her forehead. "Granger — Granger, this has been the plan since the day the Dark Lord assigned you to me."
Hermione started and stared in horror as he continued.
"If I'd found you, I might have been able to manage something else, but once you were a person of interest to the Dark Lord and he wanted you assigned to Severus or me, there wasn't any means of getting you out that didn't involve compromising one of us. Severus couldn't take you to Romania without violating the terms of his Vow. It had to be me."
"No..."
He brushed his thumbs along her cheeks. "I can't kill the Dark Lord; Severus and I have tried. I can't run with you, even if I could remove my mark. This is defeating the Dark Lord to the best of my ability. It will get you out. You'll be safe after this."
Hermione gripped his hands. "I don't want to be safe. I want you to be alive. Make a new plan."
He sighed and met her eyes. "Whatever I wanted if I saved Ginny. Granger, you promised. I want you to live, leave this world behind and live. That's what I always wanted for you. You have promises to keep. You have to take care of Ginny. You swore to Potter that you would."
"I promised to take care of you first. Always. I promised you always," she said fiercely. Her voice was shaking and she couldn't stop crying. She could feel her tears collecting against his fingers. "You weren't even going to tell me, were you? You said February. You were going to send me away, and I wouldn't have even remembered you yet. I wouldn't have even known until it was too late — And last week, you said I'd see you again."
The corner of his mouth twitched. "I'm supposed to keep you calm, and I don't trust you, even without magic." His voice tightened. "The last time I was honest with you, you disappeared and never came back."
She flinched and her breathing stalled again. "I tried to come back," she forced the words out. "I tried — I tried to — tried—"
His hold tightened. "Breathe. Breathe. You don't have to tell me, I know. I read the report. You levelled half of Sussex and killed nearly everyone inside the wards. You wiped out almost the entire Dementor population in Great Britain. You killed fifteen werewolves, twenty vampires, and half dozen hags. After you lost your wand, you killed another werewolf, hag, and stabbed Montague twice before he managed to stun you. I know you tried."
"Then — you have to try too."
"Granger, I have tried. This is the best I can do." He sighed. "We have a long goodbye in front of us now — I don't want to fight you through it."
She shook her head. "Let me try to find another way. I can — research. Maybe I can find a way to get your Dark Mark off. Please — let me try."
Draco paused for several seconds and stared at her. After a moment he nodded resignedly. "I'll provide you with what you want for research under two conditions: One, if your panic attacks increase because of it, you'll stop, and two, when Severus arrives, regardless of how close you may think you are to a breakthrough, you will stop and leave without making me force you. You won't try to trick me or manipulate me, you will say goodbye and go."
He stared at her, his eyes intent and exacting as he spoke. "Agreed?"
Hermione pressed her lips together and swallowed. "I promise," she finally said.
She reached out and her fingertips traced lightly along his face. She watched his eyes turn from quicksilver to grey before he looked down, pressing his jaw against her hand
"Don't lie to me anymore, Draco." Her voice was pleading and she drew him closer and pressed her forehead against his, breathing him in, feeling him close to her again. "Please don't lie to me."
He gave another hollow laugh. "I won't."
Chapter End Notes
Additional Illustrations
Don't Die Draco by samadiw_draws.
He let himself disappear by driareel.
June 2005
Draco stood, withdrawing his hands and walking back until he was nearly five feet away. Fully out of arm's reach.
He suddenly seemed uncertain, as though he no longer knew how to interact with her. His hands at his sides opened and closed while he hesitated and looked away from her.
The grief and pain between had reasserted itself, sweeping in like a tidal wave. It hurt to look at him, to want him, to crave him as though he were oxygen, but not know how they'd ever reconcile everything that existed between them now.
“You should sleep,” he said after a moment, glancing down and straightening his robes. “I'll bring whatever books you want tomorrow.”
Hermione watched him, hesitating and drawing a quick breath.
“Do you want to stay?” She forced the question out before she could reconsider it.
Draco stared at her with his expression blank, and her heart began pounding painfully in her chest.
His eyes unfocused and then cleared.