Ginny shifted. “I–I tried to kill myself. I got pretty close a few times.” She avoided Hermione's eyes and fidgeted with the ends of her hair. “Malfoy came every couple days at the beginning, bringing clothes and supplies, and then showing up with all the books and stuff in here — saying you'd need something to do once he found you.”
Hermione's fingers, entwined with Draco's, twitched.
Ginny stared at their hands again before looking back at her wand. “The day I gave birth, I–I nearly smothered James. I was so afraid Malfoy would show up and take him away to Voldemort. He came a few hours later in wedding robes. He was so relieved I was still alive. I think it was the first time I saw an actual emotion on his face. Apparently he'd been sure I was going to die during childbirth — not that he actually seemed to care about us, it was more like James and I were priorities on a checklist. But — he was less — controlled that day. I was so angry at him, I asked if he was late because he'd been marrying you, given that he supposedly cared so much about you.”
Ginny drew a quick breath. “I didn't think he gave a damn about anything I could say about him. I'd said pretty much everything at that point. But when I asked about him marrying you, he turned white and said no, it was someone else. He didn't come as often after that.”
Ginny stared at Draco. “It was like watching someone starve to death. He would bring things that were obviously supposed to be for you, but he stopped — I don't know how to describe it. He didn't act like you'd be alright when you got here anymore. That was when he started getting so obsessed with the wards.”
Hermione looked down, her stomach knotting.
“The last time I saw him was last summer. He said, all the traveling had made Voldemort suspicious, and he wouldn't be allowed to leave Britain anymore. He said, if he found you, Snape would bring you here, and reminded me that you were the only reason I was alive and then threatened me if I didn't swear I'd take care of you. That's when he gave me a wand. I didn't see him again until you both got here last week.”
Ginny looked down and twisted her wand in her hands. “Once I had a wand again, I made a Wizarding Wireless the way Fred and George used to, and started getting the paper. It comes weeks late, but I finally started finding out what was happening. I–I knew it had to be bad but — I never thought—” Ginny's face crumpled, and she couldn't meet Hermione's eyes. “I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry.”
Hermione wasn't sure what Ginny was apologising for. She looked down at the book on her lap. “It wasn't your fault. You'd only been an Order member for a few months before you got pregnant. It's not as though you could have changed anything.”
Ginny gnawed at her lip and looked down. “I knew you saw the war differently than Harry and Ron did, but — I didn't realise how differently until I found out what you'd done. I don't think anyone realised you saw it so differently you'd be willing to — to—”
Hermione just stared at Ginny, suddenly feeling too exhausted to have the conversation. “I would never ask anyone to do anything I wasn't willing to do first. I thought you all would have known that about me.”
Ginny paled, her skin turning so starkly white it made the scar stand out violently against her features. “I know. I do know that. I just — I believed in Harry. I believed what he did about the war about the power of love. On the battlefields you'd see the worst in people, but you'd also see the best. I thought maybe you just didn't get to see that from the hospital wing. But you were right — you were always right, and that must have made it worse for you than anyone — because you stayed with us the whole time knowing it.”
Hermione's chest tightened, it was as though Ginny had touched an agony she'd forgotten she still carried. She pressed her lips together and squeezed Draco's hand.
There were tears silently sliding down Ginny's face. “I'm sorry that I didn't want to believe you. You should never have had to do what you did.”
Hermione started to reply, but Ginny kept going. “I don't want you to feel like you need to forgive anything. What happened — everything that happened — you don't need to be alright with it. You shouldn't make yourself be alright with it. You deserve to be angry. Don't — don't feel like you need to get over everything. I don't want you to feel like you're trapped for the rest of your life because people forced you to make promises to them.”
Hermione stiffened and she pulled Draco's hand more closely to herself.