“ABORT. ABORT… Samurai Squad stand down!”
“…” static and indecipherable swearing gushed back from Sasebo.
“Masaki I want you to stop too. Right now.”
“Samurai squad … do you copy?”
“…”
“I have stopped. Stopped following,” replied Masaki.
“Good job. Now go get yourself a burger at the nearest McD. That will be all for today, Masaki.”
“Samurai squad… stand down…”
“Base, this is Samurai team leader. Mission Aborted.”
“Madam we just stopped it… But the Vietnamese general is on his way to the base.”
“Great,” said the Russian President, “I want you to go up to Magadan immediately. A navy jet is going to take you there.”
“Magadan? NOOO. Not the Gulag. I was just following orders… Madam…”
“Primakov, will you listen for a sec.”
“At least give us Vorkuta not Magadaaaaan…”
Korlov hissed, “Boss, try for something in Moscow’s suburbs.”
“Relax… a French Navy
Primakov “What now… wait… whaat?”
“The French ambassador made a second unscheduled visit to the Kremlin. Says the ship might have hit an ice berg or something. Apparently it has vanished from Japanese radars. They want our help in the rescue.”
“But there was only one Mistral in the vicinity… and it was the one we were about to steal…
Primakov was in despair. First the gulag and now this. Aircraft carriers couldn’t go missing. But… but the Americans didn’t even have another good naval movie.
The President interrupted his inner monologue, “That French ship was captained by a dude named Depardieu. Ring a bell?”
“Depardieu … Depardieu…,” Primakov mouthed a do you know wtf the crazy cat lady is talking about to Korlov.
Korlov did a quick search on Yandex.com, “Fat French actor defected to Russia. Apparently for tax evasion,” whispered Korlov. That did ring a bell.
“Damn. Depardieu. I remember. Phony guy who I believe is now a guest of our Federation…”
“Holds the same rank as Snowden…,” whispered Korlov.
“Yep. Apparently Capitaine Depardieu… captain of the missing
“Oh… shit… oh… shit… Oh shit…” Primakov sensed something.
President Petrova continued, “Had a very interesting call from one of our Akula sub’s captain. Semyonovich, says he is tracking a quiet ship and it just pulled a
“On the starboard side?”
“Yes. On the starboard side.”
Primakov was jubilant. “Told you. They all have that one good movie… Total Lack of Imagination… sympathizing with his uncle… pissed off at the egalite liberte horse shit… his own
The Russian President signed off.
“… and apparently a
“And a Ramius fetish… yeah Lithuanian to Corsican … is like red apples to green apples…”
“Boss, Corsicans are the Lithuanians of France?” asked Korlov.
“Ah… maybe more like Chechens… but whatever…”
“I see.”
“Then again, Corsica could be more like Georgia.”
“Georgia — America or Soviet?”
“Soviet. Duh.”
“Boss, but Corsica is an island… which means Crimea could be the Corsica of Ukraine.”
“Yeah but Crimea isn’t Ukraine anymore. It’s Russian, just like Abkhazia, Transnistria and Kaliningrad.”
“So Crimea is the Corsica of Russia?”
“No. Crime is just Crimea.”
“…”
“…”
“…”
“Maybe Sardinia is the Corsica of Italy.”
“No that’s why they have Sicily…”
“…”
“…”
“Let’s just go catch that plane to Magadan.”
The world’s largest airshow alternated each year between the British town of Farnborough and Le Bourget in France. The who’s who of aviation turned out in full force to try and push one government’s debt to another government.
This year, the star attraction was the F-35. Sarah McAllister was caught flaunting the jet’s private parts to a bunch of robed Sheiks when Doug Sanders arrived. The robed guys, from their beard rubbing frequency, seemed to be on the fence.
Apparently, the French were throwing black Friday deals on their Mirages. The defection of their Mistral
TO add fuel to the fire, the French had learned from TMZ that the NBA star who wanted to party on the
Now that was Strike 2 and 3 in one blow.
“
