One middle-aged man who had had her several times, came usually by the train just come, he waited till all was clear, then rapidly went under the archway, she following him. When he'd fucked her he went off quickly, she never moved off for some minutes, so as to pre-vent any suspicions about his little game, he'd arranged it so.
Strange desire to see that porter came over me, I checked it for a day or two, but four or five evenings afterwards took a ticket by train to that station and waited there. There were two porters, but I couldn't identify my man, the two being in form so much alike. I kept there wandering about, till the station master asked me why I was waiting — I told him for some one who'd come by next train. Soon after he called a porter, another said. “He wants you Mick,” and he I believe whose prick I had felt, came — I stared at him, but he evidently had no recollection of me. He was a fine strapping fellow of about thirty-five. I'd have given a sovereign to have seen and felt his prick again. It delighted me to know that I'd felt it and seen him fucking, and that he hadn't a notion that I had done so.
[I wonder at myself — wonder if many men in this metropolis have had such out of the way letches — and adventures.]
[Then again came the chance of a youthful virginity, and a singular illustration of the effect of nervousness upon me, mentally and physically. So identical were the nervous phenomena, so similar all circumstances attending that defloration to what took place about six months ago, that the narrative seems even to me, like a reproduction of an old event clothed in new language. But it is not so. As each of the two incidents occurred, the same or the next day it was written down. I do not dwell on my nervous sufferings, but they were pain-fully great, I was a psychological study to myself for some time after the event.
[All circumstances attending the deflorating this lass are evidence that most poor girls are fucked before they are sixteen. It is immaterial who does it, but they will be fucked. — She is quite as willing to have it done, as he to do it, and probably it is the female who incites the male (unwittingly perhaps) following simply the law of nature — quite as much as the male incites the female to the pleasure. What rot then this talk about male seduction, when it is nature which seduces both. Equally absurd also the sentimental bosh about young virgins being bought and sold. The results to the girl are the same whether she is fucked for money or love
— or if the term be liked better — for lust. A prick up her she will have before she's sixteen. She will have her sexual pleasure, paid or unpaid for it. The poor alone are philosophical in amatory matters.]
H. was impecunious, and having made money by the lass whose virginity I took last spring, I shall always think put this temptation in my way for further profit.
— I found there one day a little servant about fourteen years old, fairly pretty, sprightly and pleasing, and thought I should like to investigate her privates as soon as I set eyes on her. — H. said the lass was daughter of a sea coast man, and had two sisters gay, had been stopping with one in London who had let her see men fuck her. “She won't be long before she has it.” She had found out that this girl frigged herself. — I suppose all girls of fourteen do — and wanted to be fucked, knew all about it, had said so. — H. and she had al-ready looked at each other's cunts — women like doing that — and she had frigged the girl who was “virgo intacta” — warranted. “If you don't have her some one will soon, her sister won't let her stop here she'll make money out of her, and if not the girl will let some man fuck her.” — “I'll have her” said I, and began courting the lass.
Soon after, H said she'd have nothing to do with it, but still she would not hinder me. I reminded her of what she'd told me. — She replied, that certainly the girl would have a man soon somehow, or somewhere, for she was so lewed and curious, that a little per-suasion would get her. — H's change of front, her object in holding back now, was not very clear to me, but felt sure she'd like to see me fuck the lass for baudy pleasure if for nothing else. Telling her so, she laughed and said she should.
