“I’ll give him a chance,” I shrugged. “Let him start talking first. We’ll know for sure once he opens his mouth.”
“Fucking hell...”
He approached us with long strides. With each step he took, I got more and more information. Light skinned. Huge. Both fat and muscular. A large belly stuck out from under his shirt, and his hands were like hams. Skin-tight shorts stretched over his fat legs. His head was too small for the rest of him. Eyes with an angry glint in them peered out from under a small, protruding forehead. His black hair stuck out in all directions, forming something like an unruly lion’s mane. His vicious, teeth-bearing grin matched the image of a lion. Like he was playing to his audience, playing the part of a huge, fierce predator. A black-maned lion by the name of Johnny. In a t-shirt, yellowish pants, and red sandals. His belly crushed a long-suffering belt with a plastic club swinging from it.
Four people followed in their leader’s wake: a woman and three men, all five or ten years younger than him. They had expectant grins on their faces, just waiting for the fun to begin. The messenger followed a few steps behind them. Of course she did. She was... Nothing, just a slave. Or a toy to use if there was no one prettier around.
Even before he got close to us, Johnny opened his mouth and roared furiously:
“You little bitch! Slimy useless scum! GET OVER HERE!” He jabbed one sausage finger down at his feet. “Right here, you fucking slut! GET OVER HERE! Bitch, you should be begging me not to smash your good-for-nothing brains in! No! Don’t walk — crawl, bitch! Crawl!” He opened his mouth even wider, and the flow of obscenities continued so fiercely that my jaw dropped slightly in surprise, carefully listening to his dirty oaths.
I was right. There was no way this would come to a peaceful conclusion — that was obvious. People like Johnny only understood one language: the language of force. So I just kept listening. I almost missed the moment when Yorka, who had been frozen in place, suddenly started to stand up slowly, like someone bewitched. I had to kick her under the table. She started, shuddered, and blinked, looking at me in shock.
I had been a little wrong about Johnny. Yes, he was dumb, greedy, and proud, but he also had a some strange natural talent that made me feel sick to my stomach. The sort of alluring fervor you see in holy men. But Johnny’s medium was threats and swearing, and that disgusting mix drew people in like moths to the flame, obeying and flying towards the deadly light.
I wondered if he would ever realize that.
It took another thirty seconds before he realized Yorka didn’t care what he said. She wouldn’t move. At first, his attention had all been focused on her. But then he realized she couldn’t have resisted without someone’s help, and he slowly turned his head to look at me. He jabbed a finger my way, just like the messenger had, then swallowed and cracked his neck. A fresh burst of obscenities was about to start... But I didn’t let him speak. Staying where I was, I made a mocking face and pointed my finger back at him. Only he was pointing at my forehead, and I pointed lower, asking with the same mocking grin:
“Hey, fatass. Is it really so tiny? Skin-tight shorts... Aren’t you embarrassed, walking around like that, showing off your tiny little Johnny? Don’t your shorts chafe your balls? Although you’re so ugly that I’m sure no one cares about anything else. Hey, goblins! Look at this guy! He’s a real freak! That black hair... Does he think it’s cool? Fuck! How are you so ugly? And your legs... They must weigh a ton each! How many earthquakes will the jiggling set off if I kick your ass? I bet my legs it’s at least three!”
The space around us was rapidly emptying out. Zombies, orcs, and goblins all moved away, unable to take their eyes off me. It wasn’t every day some moron signed his own death warrant. But at least it looked cool! So cool and exciting that even Johnny the Lion froze like a statue, jaw hanging open. He was dumbstruck. After all, no one ever, ever dared to...
I had expected a reaction, but he was really just standing there gaping like an idiot...
I ended up having to bang my hand on the table. Johnny shuddered. His eyes focused again, and he snapped his mouth shut. Then he started to turn purple. His face was brick-red in less than a second. He finally understood what I was saying. If anyone was wondering how badly he wanted to wring my neck... Well, that frantic desire was written right across his face.
“I... You... I’ll...”
“You and I?” I asked. “Get lost, you cow! I don’t date people as ugly as you!”
A tiny bleat of laughter sounded from somewhere in the room. Short, but so important. Everyone finally realized that Johnny the Lion was being mocked. And he, scary and strong, was standing there helpless. A stationary observation dome hovered right above us. The system was on alert. Mother was looking after her children, ready to punish anyone who broke her rules.
