Panic Switch полностью

“Yeah, she’s a cute-ass babe,” Pacino said. “But Lewinsky should watch out. Redhead will claw his eyes out if he looks at her twice.”

“Well, Pirate Killer Girl,” Quinnivan said, “there are three no-shit actual pirates in this crowd. You should have fun comparing notes. One of them, Mr. Pacino — that lad over there — he’s as trigger-happy as you are. You should all get along famously. Thank you, Madam Weps. Now, Mr. Elvis Lewinsky, come on up here.” Lewinsky stepped to the front of the room. “Elvis only found this out an hour ago. He’s leaving the New England and taking over as the XO of the USS Montana, also in Squadron Six.”

“Congrats, Elvis!” Pacino shouted. The crowd clapped and shot sarcastic remarks at the former navigator.

“Don’t be strangers, you guys,” Lewinsky said. “Come over to my boat for lunch whenever you want.”

“Thank you, Elvis, and now the junior officers. You three get up here.”

A tall, slim blonde kid walked up, a stormy look on his face. The second officer was a short, well-built black man. The third was a petite blonde woman with pale skin and hair so fine it looked like a comb would fall through it.

“This tall guy is Ensign Adam ‘Cool Hand’ Farina. Say a few words for us, Cool Hand.”

“Hi everyone,” the youth said in a baritone voice, obviously not happy to be speaking publicly. “I was a mechanical engineer out of the University of Vermont. I played baseball. I almost flunked out of nuclear power school, a little bit of trouble with a girlfriend, so I’m trying to make a comeback. I have to tell you, I had to fight to get assigned to this crew. I asked the recruiter for the New England specifically, and there was a waiting list, but I got lucky. So it’s good to be here.”

“Mr. Cool Hand here will be the new communications officer, yeah?” Quinnivan said. “Welcome to the New England, lad. Next is Ensign Rupert ‘Three Round’ Harrington. What say you, Three Round?”

“Hi folks,” Harrington said in a gentle, almost feminine soprano voice. “I’m from Louisiana and an electrical engineer from Tulane and Georgia Tech. I boxed in college and had some luck in the third round, so that explains the name. Now I’m into mixed martial arts.”

“Mr. Three Round will be our new supply officer,” Quinnivan said. “So, Three Round, do you have any experience in felony grand larceny?”

Harrington laughed. “No, sir, sorry.”

“Not to worry, lad, we’ll teach you. You’ll be stealin’ parts by dark o’night from the supply depot in no time. And now for our third J.O., Ensign Regina ‘Suction Cup’ Ingersol. How about sayin’ a few words for us, yeah?”

“Hello,” Ingersol said, blushing. “I’m from California and a math and physics major from Stanford, master’s in political science from Berkeley.”

“She almost looks like an albino,” Rachel whispered to Pacino.

“Nah, she’s just fair.”

“Do you think she’s pretty?”

“Oh my God, would you stop?”

“Poly sci, eh?” Quinnivan said. “Maybe Pacino’s da’ could use ya. He’s runnin’ for president, don’t ya know? And your callsign?”

She blushed deeper. “Also not suitable for mixed company,” she said. “I run marathons and I do ballet. At least I did. I have a knee injury, so I’m nursing it for a few months.”

“Madam Ingersol will be our reactor controls division officer. So, okay then, thank you, you new nubs. I want you all qualified in ten months,” Quinnivan said. “Or at least the new XO will, maybe even sooner.”

“Who is the new XO?” Pacino shouted.

“I’m glad you asked that question,” Quinnivan said, winking at Seagraves. “Captain?”

Seagraves took the post on the milk crate. “We have an unusual situation,” he began. “First of all, we’re replacing three officers with no turnover from the previous holders of each position due to their deaths. We have a gapped position of commanding officer with the new XO becoming acting captain. So, with all the turnover and lack of continuity of leadership, ComSubCom had to make some tough decisions. Either to delay my departure — and that of Commander Quinnivan — or propose a flea-flicker play. So here’s the deal, guys. You all already know and love your new XO and acting captain. Could I have Lieutenant Commander Rachel Silky Romanov step up to the front of the room?”

Romanov’s jaw dropped. “Are you fucking kidding me?” she hissed to Pacino. The room broke out in applause and cheers, Pacino clapping, smiling at her, and patting her on the back. Romanov went to the front of the room and smiled back at the crowd.

“You know,” she said, “I think my amnesia is back. Who the hell are all you people and why are you in my house?”

“Speech!” Quinnivan said, clapping.

“What do I say,” Romanov began. “Well, Captain and XO, it’s an honor to be named to this position. I won’t let you down.”

“We know,” Seagraves said, shaking Romanov’s hand, then Quinnivan shook her hand and clapped her on the shoulder.

“Can I ask,” Romanov said. “If I’m XO — and acting captain — who is the navigator?”