“Like what?” Short Hull Cooper asked.
“Weapons, food, personnel. Who knows?”
“Sure would be nice if we had an Apex drone overhead,” Cooper complained. “We’d know everything going on. We’d be able to see the BUFF’s captain talking to the admiral on the pier. Down to what brand of cigarettes they’re smoking.”
“You heard the XO,” Pacino said, having stepped to behind Sanders’ shoulder to see the sonar broadband display. “We’re doing this without eyeballs, just using our earballs. Well, hello, you slugs,” Pacino said to the arrival of Squirt Gun Vevera and his under-instruction, Long Hull Cooper. “About fucking time.”
“Fuck off, Lipstick,” Vevera said, smirking. “We’re early.”
“Oh man, Squirt Gun, don’t let XO or Weps hear you call Pacino that,” Long Hull said.
“Hey,” Vevera said, “when I have the deck and the conn, I’m like a king. And besides, I’m a Vehmontah, I do what I wanta.”
“Get that off a bumper sticker, did ya, Squirt Gun?” Pacino asked.
“So, what you guys got?” Vevera said, suddenly serious as he looked over the chart.
“BUFF is still dead cold iron,” Pacino said. “Sierra Seventeen was just detected, a supply boat, most likely bringing the BUFF more shit for his trip.”
“Probably a big load of porno DVDs,” Vevera said.
“No way the Russians are as perverted as you, Squirt,” Pacino said. “Plus, maybe they’re taking along comfort women.”
“No way they’d embark hookers,” Vevera said. “Sure would be nice if we did, though. You ever wonder what it would be like to take those Rooskie submariners drinking?”
“I spent a few hours with some of them on the
“And girls, right? I heard that blonde Rooskie weapons officer had a crush on you.”
“Yeah yeah yeah. You guys got the picture?” Pacino said. “Hurry up, I’m hungry.”
“Oh, the XO is in fine form tonight.” Vevera rubbed his tummy, smiling.
“What’s for midrats?”
“XO ordered hot chili, hot in temperature. He violated the rig for ultraquiet. Said he was tired of cold sandwiches.”
“Hey, he does what he wants to also,” Pacino said. “Hard to imagine stirring some chili over a gas flame would alert the Russians.”
“Anyway, I relieve you, sir,” Vevera said.
“I stand relieved. Short Hull?”
“I’m relieved by Mr. Cooper,” Short Hull replied.
“Let’s hit Quinnivan’s midrats,” Pacino said.
When Pacino and Short Hull walked into the wardroom, both Executive Officer Quinnivan and Weapons Officer Styxx were laughing.
“Something funny?” Pacino asked.
Quinnivan frowned in reply. “Your report?”
Pacino nodded at Short Hull Cooper.
“Sir, Mr. Pacino and I were properly relieved by Mr. Vevera and Mr. Cooper,” Short Hull said formally. “As previously reported, we have a new detect. Sonar thinks it’s a supply ship. The BUFF — er, the Omega — is still shut down.”
“Have a seat, gentlemen,” Quinnivan said, his mirthful expression returning.
Pacino took a seat next to Styxx and put his napkin in his lap while Styxx passed him the bowl of chili. He loaded up on it and grabbed a cornbread from the platter. “You want to share the joke, XO?”
Quinnivan beamed at Pacino. “Some new intelligence from our esteemed weapons officer. Madam Styxx, you want to declassify this for Mr. Pacino?”
“I suppose it’s about time, XO.” Styxx looked at Pacino, a slight smile on her lips. “So, Patch, that night you spent with me at AUTEC?”
Pacino’s spoon froze in mid-air on the way to his mouth. He put it down and looked at Styxx. “Yeah?”
She laughed and said, “We didn’t do anything.”
“What?”
She nodded. “You were so drunk you passed out at the entrance door to the BOQ. I had to drag you to the elevator and down the hall to my room. And drop you on the bed. And undress you. Have you ever undressed a corpse? You have to roll it to one side, pull off clothes, then roll it back, on and on.”
Pacino stared at her. “Really? So how do you explain all the lipstick on my face?” And how would she account for the happy, satisfied look on her face that morning? What had she said to him?
Styxx put her face in her hands, laughing and wiping tears from her eyes. “Oh my God, I didn’t want you returning to the boat without making it look like you were a conquering hero. Part of my assignment from a certain Royal Navy officer we all know and love.”
Quinnivan guffawed, looking pleased with himself.
“But the lipstick stains. You kissed me? When I was out cold?”
“No, dummy,” Styxx said. “No way human lips would put that much makeup on your face. I applied it liberally with my lipstick. Took the whole thing. And you bolted out of the room so fast, you didn’t even see yourself in the wall mirror.”
The other officers were snickering, Dankleff pointing at Pacino and snorting, then coughing as cornbread went down the wrong way.
