Arianne sighed and wiped a tear from her eye.
‘Will I see you again?’
‘Of course.’
‘When?’
‘Soon, I hope. But right now everything is confused. You’ve no idea how confused.’
‘And sending me back to Berlin makes things simpler?’
‘Yes. But I told you, that’s not the reason you have to go back home. All the same I’ll sleep a lot sounder knowing you’re all right.’
She stroked my head for a moment and then said: ‘On one condition.’
‘No conditions.’
‘That you tell me you love me, Parsifal.’
‘Oh, I love you all right. As a matter of fact I love you very much, Arianne. That’s why I have to send you away. It was a mistake bringing you here, I can see that now. It was selfish of me. Very selfish. I did it for me and now I have to do this for you, see? I don’t in the least want you to go home. But because I love you I really do have to send you away.’
Maybe I did love her at that. Only it didn’t matter very much one way or another. Not now that she was leaving Prague. And somewhere inside me I knew that I couldn’t ever see her again. So long as she knew me she would be in danger because of who and what I was. After she had gone home she would be safe because I was the only person who could connect her with Gustav and Franz Koci. I knew I was going to feel bad about losing her, but this was nothing to how I knew I would feel if ever being with me put her into Heydrich’s cold white hands. He’d gut her for information the way Hamperl had gutted poor Albert Kuttner on the slab at Bulovka..
‘I’ll always love you,’ I said, for effect.
‘And I love you, too.’
I nodded. ‘All right. Let’s go and find some dinner.’
I couldn’t sleep that night, but Arianne had very little to do with that, although she didn’t sleep well either. Sometime before dawn I must have slept a little because I dreamed I had returned to an almost preternatural time and place that was before the Nazis. But this was a recurring dream for me.
We made a desultory attempt at intimacy but our spirits were not in it, hers even less than mine. We washed and dressed and ate some breakfast in the mosaic café downstairs. She seemed depressed and spoke very little, almost as if she was already on the train back to Berlin; but then again, I wasn’t exactly gabby myself.
‘You seem very quiet this morning,’ she said.
‘I was thinking the same of you.’
‘Me? I’m fine.’ She sounded defensive. ‘I didn’t sleep very well.’
‘You can sleep on the train.’
‘Yes. Perhaps I will.’
Pushing aside the salt and pepper cellars, I tried to take her hand but she pulled it away.
‘Don’t pretend, Bernie. You look like you can’t wait to get rid of me.’
‘Let’s not go over this again, Arianne.’
‘As you like.’
We walked toward the elevator. The boy opened the double doors to admit us to his little vertical world, but just as I was about to follow Arianne inside the hotel clerk appeared in front of us and handed me a sealed envelope. As the car groaned its way up the shaft I read the note that it contained.
‘What is it?’ asked Arianne.
‘I just lost my ride to the Jungfern-Breschan.’
She frowned.
‘Oh? Why?’
‘Heydrich reminding me who’s boss, probably.’
‘You mean you’ve got no car?’
‘That’s right.’
‘Well, how will you get there? It’s fourteen kilometres.’
‘Apparently I will have to walk over to Hradschin Castle and beg a lift there.’
The elevator car arrived on the top floor, where we got out.
‘That’s quite a walk from here,’ she said. ‘To the castle. I did it yesterday. At least forty minutes. Maybe more. You should telephone them and make them send a car.’ She smiled uncertainly. ‘Then you could spend some more time with me.’
I shook my head. ‘Believe me, I’m in no hurry to get there. Besides, it’s a nice day. And the walk will do me good. It will give me some time to think. Now I can see you off at the station.’
‘Yes. That would be lovely.’
On our way along the floor she went into the bathroom; and I went back to the room. I lit a cigarette and lay down on the bed and waited for her.
Arianne was quite a while, although this wasn’t unusual. She was always well dressed and well groomed, which was one of the reasons I liked her. There’s something very sexy about disassembling something that has taken so long to put together: belt, dress, shoes, suspenders, corselette, brassiere, stockings, panties. But when she returned after at least fifteen minutes, she seemed even stiffer than before, as if the paint she had applied to her lovely face was meant not just to enhance her beauty but also to cover her true feelings.
‘Actually,’ she said, a little breathlessly, as she came through the door, ‘I’d rather you didn’t come to the station if you don’t mind. I’ve just done my make-up and I know I’ll cry if you’re standing on the platform waving goodbye. So, if you don’t mind, darling, let me go on my own. It’s only five minutes’ walk. My bag isn’t heavy. And I can manage perfectly well on my own.’
I didn’t protest. Clearly her mind was made up.
