‘Ms Matthews, good to see you,’ Mrs Greene says to Abi. ‘Are you planning on joining us or not?’
There are no seats left so Abi hovers with a small herd of parents standing at the back, to the right of the hall. There are Halloween decorations up, cut-outs of pumpkins and cats stuck to the walls. It’s unbearably tense, the room like a giant can of fizzy drink, shaken and ready to explode. The teachers look nervous; most have given up telling their students to stop talking and a Mexican wave of chatter ripples around the echoey space. Parents smile at their kids, give them the thumbs-up, and their kids either ignore them or wave quickly back before their mates can see. Abi stands on her tiptoes to look for Lily but can’t find her; instead she spots Eddy standing on the other side of the hall with Patrick and Vita. His arms crossed, he looks bored by whatever Vita’s telling him before his eyes find Abi. She looks quickly away but not quickly enough to miss how his top lip curls, his eyes narrow – somewhere between horror and awe.
The stage is completely bare and as soon as Seb walks out, the room goes silent, like everyone in it shares one great lung. Together, they hold their breath. She can’t see Rosie anywhere.
Seb isn’t carrying anything. He stands in the middle of the stage and takes a moment to look at everyone staring at him. He looks fairly composed but Abi recognizes the flash in his eyes – fear, uncertainty. There are a few nervous coughs, a couple of giggles, a teacher shushing some noisy students before he begins.
‘Morning, everyone, and thank you for coming at such short notice. I know the parents here this morning understand why we’re here. But some of the students might not, so I’m going to first explain the events of the last twenty-four hours. Yesterday, a petition was published and sent around your parents and guardians calling for me to resign. The petition made it clear that in the author’s opinion I am not good enough to be your head teacher. It accused me of immoral, transgressive behaviour and asked for your parents and guardians to sign to show that they agree that I should resign.’
As he talks Abi feels the whole packed hall breathe out. Seb is clear, controlled. He is not a lunatic. He still sounds safe.
‘I’ve asked you all here this morning to try to explain why I’m choosing not to resign, and I hope you’ll allow me this opportunity and think carefully about what I have to say before you make up your minds for yourselves.’
He pauses, swallows. ‘I want to stand here in front of you all and tell you that I did something wrong. I made a mistake in my private life that has hurt my wife, Rosie, very, very deeply and for which I’m so sorry.’
A parent in front of Abi gasps, another shakes her head and whispers to the person next to her, while another shushes them.
Abi’s never heard anyone, let alone a man, apologize like this. She knows bullshit when she hears it, after all; her instincts were one of her few defences against the brutal and mad. But she doesn’t hear the lilt of lies today. Seb, she thinks, really is sorry.
‘I know there’s a lot of speculation about what it is I did, and I want to first take the time to assure you all that it wasn’t anything illegal. Beyond that, I will not share any further details, because it is a private matter and has no bearing whatsoever on my professional life as your head teacher, a role I adore and take very seriously.’
There’s a rumble of discontent among the parents, pissed off that Seb isn’t going to tell them which of their theories about him is correct. Seb notices it and pauses to let it run its course before he continues, ‘The petition is right. I am in a position of great responsibility, and it is precisely because I take my role so seriously that I’m choosing not to resign. As a colleague reminded me yesterday, we all have the right to make mistakes and I do not want you – the students, the most important people in this school – to think that when you make mistakes in life – which you will – you must quietly disappear. I am hoping that by not resigning you will recognize that I’m doing what I think is required of a head teacher. I hope to show you that sometimes doing the right thing requires you to be a bit courageous. It requires you to refuse to hop on the bandwagon. To sometimes take the rougher, less travelled road. I’m accepting my mistake, asking those I have wronged for their forgiveness. I will not make the same mistake again. Instead, I’ll keep working hard for you and for the school we are all a part of. I urge you to think carefully about all of this and please email me or arrange a time to talk if you have any further questions. Thank you for listening.’