Second Chance for Romance полностью

“Things didn’t work out like I’d hoped, obviously. Kendall was a lot more manipulative and deceitful than I’d realized.” I felt a flare of anger and took a deep breath to snuff it out. Once I had my emotions under control, I came clean about the other reasons. “I was a big part of the problem too. I was immature,” I said frankly. “Clueless, idealistic, self-centered, you name it.

“So… Gina and I broke up. The truth is, she dumped me. For lots of reasons, but mostly because I didn’t pay enough attention to her. Then she transferred to California. I thought it would be all right with just Kendall and me, and for a while it was. But then… I guess I started to see more of the real her, that she’d kept under wraps before.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about it since then. I don’t think Kendall really changed all that much. I think I did. I took off the blinders and started seeing her flaws. You’re a lot like her, by the way.”

Christy’s eyebrows flew up. “Exactly how?”

“Not the flaws! Sorry. Your upbringing. She was very Baptist. Sunday school, church picnics, that sort of thing. And she had this ideal in her head of what a ‘good Christian girl’ should be. It didn’t match up with who she really was, so she felt guilty about it.”

“I’m not like that at all,” Christy protested.

I gave her a flat look. She replied by crossing her arms, so I arched an eyebrow with polite disbelief. When she set her jaw, I took a deep breath and settled back to wait.

“Okay, fine, Mr. Patient! Maybe I am like that. But what’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing. Not the church part, at least. I mean, I don’t really care if you’re Catholic, Protestant, or a Moonie. As long as it makes you happy. The problem is when who you think you should be clashes with who you are.”

She opened her mouth to object but then closed it again.

“Back to Kendall. Things were pretty normal between us, but she had some wild sexual fantasies. The details don’t really matter. I never had a problem with any of them. I mean, they were consensual and no one was hurt. To be honest, they were pretty exciting, even when they involved other guys.”

Christy’s eyebrows flew up at that.

“The problem was how she dealt with them. Her fantasies, I mean. Like I said, she had this mythical Baptist ideal, but her fantasies clashed with that.

So she never really started anything. She always needed me to do something so she could be a ‘bad girl,’ so to speak. And once I did, she didn’t seem to have any control over how far she went or what she did.

“That’s how I felt, at least,” I said. “I’m sure she did have control, but it seemed to me that she always took things too far. Because in her mind, I was the one responsible for her actions. She never was. If she were, she might’ve had to admit to herself that she wasn’t who she thought she was.”

I sounded bitter, even to myself, so I took another deep breath and brushed away imaginary crumbs.

“I’m simplifying things,” I said eventually, “and I don’t know any of this for a fact, but it all makes sense when I think about it now. Basically Kendall wanted to have her cake and eat it too, to be a ‘good girl’ in public but a ‘bad girl’ in the bedroom. And she always put the burden on me. I ‘made’ her do the bad-girl things. They were never something she did herself.

“That’s how I saw it, at least. Well, toward the end. At first I just enjoyed the wild sex. I mean, what guy wouldn’t, right? Kendall was every guy’s fantasy, the body of a Playmate and a total nympho in bed.”

“It’s a wonder you ever broke up with her,” Christy said derisively.

I shot her a piercing look. “Gee, you’d think I only care about looks and sex. Hey, she’s a woman, only good for two things, right? Just how shallow do you think I am?”

She cringed as my sarcasm hit home.

“Sure,” I continued in a calmer tone, “I’m attracted to a pretty face or a nice body, but they aren’t everything. I learned a long time ago that sex is important, but it’s only part of the equation. So yeah, I broke up with Kendall. I walked away from a nympho Playmate. And you know what? I don’t regret it a bit. Never have, never will.”

“Then what do you want?”

“These days I’m more attracted to talent, ambition, intelligence, or even a friendly personality. That’s why I’m attracted to you. All of it. Yeah, I think you’re pretty, and you have a nice body, but that’s just the superficial stuff.

What’s inside is what really matters in the long run.”

I paused and decided how much I wanted to reveal next.

“Look,” I said at last, “I’m in real danger with you. I’m falling for you

and it scares me. Not because of you, but because of me. I see a lot of similarities between you and Kendall. I’ve been down that road before, and it didn’t work out. You’re different in most ways, but I think you have a wild side too. Wren seems to think so, and she knows you better than I do.