Second Chance for Romance полностью

We fell silent, since neither of us wanted to go down that path.

“I also noticed something,” she said at last.

“What?”

“Whenever we talked, it was always about the past. About Heather and prom night or movie night on the raft. Most of that was my fault—”

“Not entirely. I mean, I was half of those conversations.”

“Yeah, but I realized I was bringing up good memories, but never anything about the future. I guess it hit me when you told me you were working on a project with Christy.” She paused, and I waited for the other shoe to drop. “Tell me the truth,” she said at last. “Is she…?”

“More than a friend? Yes.”

“I thought so.”

“We aren’t technically boyfriend-girlfriend, but that hardly matters.”

“Have you had sex with her? I know I have no right to ask,” she added quickly, “but… I need to know.”

“No. We’ve kissed and fooled around, but that’s it.”

“I don’t know why that makes me happy, but it does.”

“I understand. And I’ll be honest, that was one of the reasons I didn’t want to have phone sex with you the other night.”

“I didn’t think it was only ’cause you were too tired.”

“It wasn’t. I didn’t want to cheat on her. And I didn’t want to lead you on.

I know that sounds crazy, but…”

“I get it. That’s why I wanted to know.”

“‘Cheating’ has always been emotional with us.”

“Exactly.”

“We can have sex with other people, but that’s just physical. Fidelity is emotional.”

She laughed softly. “You’re probably the only other person I know who feels that way. I never had a problem who you had sex with. Except Kendall.” Her voice turned flinty. “Don’t get me started. I still have a lot of hard feelings about her.”

“I don’t blame you.”

“I get so mad sometimes I could cry.”

“Some part of me will always love Kendall,” I said quietly, “but I understand. I still don’t like her very much.”

“I know. I guess a teeny-tiny part of me will love her too. But the part that hates her guts is a lot bigger.”

“Yeah. I’m really sorry about that. I screwed up. I was thinking with my dick.”

“You were! And I used to be really mad at you for it.”

“You aren’t anymore?”

“No, not really. I was a little worried that I might be, but then I saw you at the wedding. You’d changed so much… Then you seduced me all over again, like we were sixteen under the stars at camp.”

“Those were good times,” I said.

“The best.”

“But we can’t go back.”

“We can’t go back,” she echoed.

“I realized the same thing. I kept thinking of you in terms of things we’d done before. With Christy, I…”

“Think of things you want to do,” she said, “in the future.”

“You understand.”

“Yeah, I do. I mean, I haven’t found that person yet, but I know how it is.

You and I used to have it, but…”

“Not anymore.”

“No. And we couldn’t rekindle it.”

“That’s exactly the word I used,” I said, “when I was thinking about what I wanted to say to you.”

“Are you relieved I was thinking the same thing?”

“Relieved and surprised.”

“Surprised? Why? I know you better than anyone. Although…” She chuckled to herself. “Now that I think about it, I have to admit that I’m surprised too. Surprised that you called first. I mean, I could feel you pulling away, but I thought I’d have to be the one to end it.”

“Like last time.”

“Like last time,” she agreed.

“Maybe I’m a bit more mature this time.”

“For sure.” She laughed all of a sudden. “God, I sound like a Valley Girl.”

“It’s kinda cute.”

“Thanks.”

We fell silent for a long moment.

“I do still love you,” I said at last. “I know we were both afraid to say it before, but…”

“I love you too. And yeah, I was afraid. I didn’t wanna say it and hear this long pause on the other end of the line.”

“Tell me about it! I was worried you’d start talking about the weather in LA or something.”

“No,” she said warmly, “I’d’ve said it back.”

“I wish we could’ve made it work,” I said after a moment.

“Me too.”

“Maybe if we were closer…”

“And you didn’t have Christy…”

“Yeah. I still feel really guilty about that.”

“Don’t,” she said. “I can’t compete with someone who’s right there. Just like you couldn’t compete with Brock when I was still with him. He was a real jerk in lots of ways, but he was here.” She fell silent for several heartbeats. “Do you think you really have a chance with Christy?”

“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “She doesn’t know a thing about camp or me being a swinger or anything else. I think she may come around, but I’m not sure. She may be too normal, if that makes sense.”

“It does. And it’s one of the reasons I wanted it to work between us. I mean, I never told Brock a thing about our lifestyle. He didn’t even know I was a nudist, much less about swinging.”

“Same with me. Don’t take this the wrong way, but sometimes I thought of you as a sure thing. I wouldn’t have to explain anything to you.”

“Oh, I know. I thought of you the same way. You were a safe choice.”

“Christy isn’t. And I’m worried I’ll get my heart broken.”

“I know the feeling. And part of me wants to tell you I’ll always be here if it doesn’t work out, but…”

“Yeah. I can’t remember if I said it or not, but I thought it when you moved to LA”