Of course, I had a lot to look forward to. College and the rest of my life were yet to come. The Waterloo game made me understand that I wanted to play at higher levels of competition. What we’d created with this team was about as good as it would get at the high school level. I relished the opportunity to challenge myself against much better players. I finally felt like I should take that next step.
As much as I looked forward to moving on, I also wanted to savor what we had left and finish what we’d started. I almost regretted signing on to do the Japanese TV miniseries, for lack of a better way to describe what J-dramas are. While I looked forward to seeing my friends in LA, it seemed that, in a way, this was a precursor to finally leaving my hometown.
In moments like this, it was only natural to reflect on how I’d gotten here. Dear Lord! All the drama. I had started to agree with my uncle’s comments about ‘someday I would understand.’ Tami was a good example. Now that I’d had a chance to step back, and wasn’t in the middle of it all, I could see what a bad situation that was for me. The sad part was that our drama had almost torn us and our families apart.
Hindsight being 20/20, I would have done a million things differently. Then again, if I had, I wouldn’t be who I was today. I couldn’t live my life in regret. If I hadn’t experienced all the hurts, and the perceived and far too real betrayals, I might have been happier. The only problem was that I would still be the little boy who needed Tami to hold my hand every time I had to make a decision.
What it had done was force me to grow up. I knew I had a long way to go in that regard. I had a lot to learn about love and what it meant to be in a committed relationship. My first three years of high school, I’d sort of run wild, especially when I was in LA. As far as I was concerned, Vegas needed to give up its ‘Sin City’ nickname to LA. The thought of going back there, with all the temptations, had me worried.
Then I relaxed as I thought about Brook. We both knew that we were probably not a forever couple. Not many high school relationships were. That didn’t mean that we weren’t a good fit or didn’t care about each other. I honestly thought I loved her.
Falling in love was one of the most exciting, rewarding, and scariest experiences I’d ever had. The frightening part was putting yourself out there. I’d decided that I’d just had a bad run of luck in that department. It was either that, or I couldn’t understand why anyone would risk it. I ticked off all the women who had hurt me: Tracy, twice; Eve Holliday; Harper; and finally, Tami, who’d done a number on me too many times to count.
Tami was the big one, though. I had always assumed that she was the one for me and tried everything I knew to win her over. The last time she’d rejected me, my ego had taken a big hit. How could Tami say no to me? In my mind, we were a team where it was us against the world, and we planned to conquer it. What I found was she said she loved me … but not right now. It would be some fantasy ‘someday’ scenario.
Then Brandon had staged it to appear that she and Alan slept together. As horrible as that turned out to be when we discovered he’d raped her, it probably saved me. The sight of the two of them naked in bed and the used condom had finally changed my expectations. It put me in the frame of mind that maybe Tami wasn’t who I would end up with. To be honest, I still didn’t know who that ultimately would be.
It had taken me almost a year to get over her. I know it sounds crazy that even after all the anguish, I would still have deep feelings for Tami. But she’d always been ‘the one’ in my mind, the girl I just knew I would grow old with. I still had knee-jerk reactions when I was around her. As much as I might want to, I doubt I would get entirely past that anytime soon.
I’m sure that an uninterested bystander would think I was crazy to have had the kind of feelings I had for Tami. That’s just it, though: love isn’t logical. That was why it was dangerous to tell someone that their boyfriend or girlfriend wasn’t right for them. When it’s you, you don’t see it. Even worse, you don’t appreciate being told that.
When I finally opened up, and Brook and I got together, I discovered I had never experienced true love. Once you’re in love with someone, it was hard to remember how you lived without them. I honestly wondered how I’d managed to elude love for the entirety of my life before Brook. I’m sure everyone experiences love differently, and at different times in their lives. Even the meaning of love is extremely subjective, but I say with confidence that anyone who’s experienced it knows it’s the best feeling ever. Yes, even better than sex.
I found I might have a permanent smile on my face. I even kept it when Precious decided that my chest was warm and wanted to lie on it.
“Good morning, Precious. How’s your day going?” I asked as I rubbed her chest, and she began to purr.
