In the back of my mind, I had considered offering Pam a chance to live in my new house. I’d talked to Lacy, though, and she wanted Pam to live in the dorms the first year. I had to agree that it would do her good and help her get acclimated and make friends. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t be welcome to have a room at my house to be able to get away if she wanted to.
When I talked to Kent over the weekend, he’d shared that Doug, Craig Wild’s brother and my tenant, might have a job offer in San Francisco. If that were the case, I would want someone to live in the house, even if it was only part-time. I doubted Pam would trash it with wild parties. I would have to think about it over the next few months and see whether Doug did, in fact, move out.
“She’s taking me tomorrow. I’ve set up some meetings and signed up for a tour. It’s one of the places you’re considering, isn’t it?” Tracy asked.
I could tell she really hoped we ended up there.
“It’s one of our final three, I think. I want to sit down with Tim and Wolf and have an honest discussion about what everyone wants. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced my mom is right. Each of us should do what’s best for ourselves and not what we think the others want. I plan to be friends with them regardless of where they go to play ball,” I said.
“If it was just you, would you be open to Alabama and Ohio State? I know they weren’t willing to offer Tim,” she said.
“Alabama isn’t really an option even though Bo Harrington would be my position coach. I just don’t see myself fitting into their system. With Ohio State, I worry how long their head coach will be there. He had to quit as coach at Florida for health reasons. Some recruiters have mentioned that he might only coach another year or two,” I explained.
“You don’t think they’d draw a top-notch coach?”
“They would have their pick, without question. There are probably only one or two jobs that would be better than Ohio State’s. But look at Notre Dame. They were top dogs for years, and then they made a couple of bad hires. I’m sure they’ll get back to the top, but it has been a long time. I’m not sure I want to go through a possible mess if they get the wrong guy.”
“What are you going to do about your kids?”
“That’s the big question. My uncle is coming next week, and I’m hoping he helps me figure it out. My parents signed up to help me with Coby but not all the rest. It’s not fair to ask them to shoulder the load with all of them. I need to figure out how to stay involved and not just take off for the next few years,” I explained.
“Pam is freaking out a little about it, too. I explained to her that with Peggy, her mom, your parents, Ashley, and Scarlet, that Coby would have plenty of attention. You need to realize you have the support system in place.”
“I know. I just don’t want to miss out on them growing up.”
“Tell me the truth. How much do you remember from when you were their age? It’ll be more important for you to be around once they get older,” she reminded me.
I hadn’t really thought of it that way. Then again, I never thought I would be worrying about something like kids at my age. It just went to show that no one’s life was perfect. While I wouldn’t give up any of my kids, even a fool would agree that having them now was nuts.
I became quiet as I contemplated life. Tracy knew me well enough that she just grabbed my hand and walked with me through the park. I snapped out of my fog and looked at my friend.
“How are you doing?” I asked, thinking specifically about her depression.
She looked at me to see if I was really asking about it or not. I think she was surprised. I instantly felt like the worst friend in the world. Tracy could see it in my eyes, and she let go of my hand and wrapped her arm around my waist, so our hips were touching. I put my arm around her shoulder.
“There are still days I don’t want to get out of bed, and I find I sometimes can’t focus and can’t get my schoolwork done. I show up late to things, and I worry that I’m disappointing my parents. Then I look at you and Pam and see everything you face and recognize that someday I’ll have to stand on my own, and it scares me. But then there are other days when I feel better,” Tracy explained.
“Are you still seeing Dr. Hebert?”
“Yes, and she is helping. I’ve pretty much gotten off all the medication she had me on. She’s given me the tools I need to cope, but sometimes it’s hard.”
I stopped, pulled her into a hug, and kissed her forehead.
“You know I love you, right? I’ll always be there for you,” I assured her.
“Honestly, I’m not sure I could be that selfish. We just discussed everything you have on your plate, plus you have a girlfriend,” Tracy admitted.
“I wish you wouldn’t feel that way. I’ll always make time for you and would move mountains to make sure you’re happy.”
“You are a ‘stupid boy’ sometimes,” she said and hugged me back.
I began to sing “O-o-h Child” to her, the words talking about how things are going to get better.
