“Is it Dad?” I asked, imagining the worst.
“No, but I need to tell you something. Let’s find somewhere we can talk in private.”
The lady at the desk let us use the principal’s office. When the door closed, Greg began to pace.
“What’s got you so worked up?” I asked.
“Angie,” Greg all but spat out.
Oh, boy. I didn’t want to be in the middle of this.
“What does this have to do with me?” I asked.
Greg looked at the ceiling, and the anguish seemed to roll off him in waves of despair.
“When I think it can’t get any worse …” he trailed off.
“Just tell me.”
“She wants money to go away. If I pay her, she’ll sign documents to give me the kids, and we’ll never see her again,” he said in a rush.
“Is that what you want?”
“If you asked me yesterday, I would have said ‘no.’ Even if our marriage is over, I want the kids to have their mother in their life. I could’ve even sucked it up and not been a dick when I saw her. I mean, seriously, plenty of people figure it out,” Greg said.
“What happened to change your mind?” I asked, and then something occurred to me. “And why does this concern me? Do you need me to write a check to make her leave? Because if you do, I would be willing to write one. I’m not feeling quite as charitable as you are towards her being in my niece and nephews’ lives.”
“You might not be willing to help me out after I tell you what made me come here,” Greg said to worry me.
“Did she take more money?” I asked.
“Probably,” he said and waved his hand dismissively. Then he handed me an opened envelope. “I received this in the mail this morning.”
I looked at it, and the return address said Planned Parenthood.
“Did she …?” I asked, jumping to conclusions.
“Just read it,” Greg said, and wouldn’t look at me.
It said that Angie had tested positive for both gonorrhea and chlamydia. And, since she reported that Greg was one of her sexual partners, he should get tested immediately. He was asked to provide them with a list of all his sexual partners so they could be notified.
I won’t verbalize the thoughts that raced through my head. Let’s just say they weren’t kind towards my sister-in-law and her cheatin’ heart. As I contemplated my brother’s contemptible wife, it suddenly dawned on me why Greg was here.
“For shit’s sake!” I yelled.
Greg’s diseased dick had been in my ex-girlfriend’s mouth. The only saving grace was that I hadn’t kissed her afterward. Then I kicked myself for being so selfish. How would I ever tell Lisa that she might have contracted an STI?
I got my phone out.
“What are you doing?” Greg asked.
“I’m calling Mom. If anyone knows what to do in this situation, it’s her.”
“It’s your funeral. I’m out,” Greg said and left me.
◊◊◊
It would be an understatement to say that telling my mom wasn’t the most pleasant task I’d ever undertaken. Three things were made clear to me. I should expect a long talk when she and my dad got me alone; I was to go get tested
This taught me the valuable lesson not to call my ‘mommy’—her words—next time. Greg had been right to bail when I made the ill-considered decision to involve my mother. I had no one to blame but myself, and I should have known better.
I was a little pissed at my brother for not finding the courage to talk to Lisa himself. After all, he’d been the one, even if it was unwittingly, who had brought the STIs to the party.
I knew Lisa’s class schedule, so I walked to her classroom and pulled her out of her history class. When I got her in the hall, I just told her.
“Greg got a letter that Angie has tested positive for both gonorrhea and chlamydia.”
Her face turned bright red, and her eyes filled up with tears. She slugged me in the chest and ran for the bathroom. That could have gone better.
When it came time to have my talk with my parents, I would have to remember to ask how you kept from getting punched when delivering that kind of news.
◊◊◊
After school, I drove to the clinic to get tested. Afterward, I went ‘straight home.’ I found a note from my mom saying that I was grounded until further notice, and I was to babysit all the little ones with Greg tonight. She and Dad were going out.
I wasn’t quite sure why I was grounded and not Greg, but I wasn’t about to ask.
Instead, I opened the refrigerator to see what Melanie had left us for dinner. I smiled when I saw the kid-friendly menu of cheeseburger cups made in a cupcake pan. She had also made cheesy broccoli tots, the healthy version of tater tots—with enough ketchup, they weren’t as bad as they sounded. Both were accompanied by instructions to put them in the oven to bake. For dessert, we were having apple sauce.
As I finished putting dinner into the oven, Duke let me know that someone had pulled in. I looked out the back door and saw that both Greg and Peggy had arrived with carloads of kids. I ran out to help get them out of their car seats and bring them inside.
