I suspected that anyone looking in from the outside could have told me the first one: no way was I ready to settle down into a committed relationship. I’d lived with this fairy-tale notion that I needed a soul mate. That may be true when I got older, but it wasn’t something I wanted right now.
I thought I’d found it with Brook. I could even imagine that if she hadn’t moved away, we would still be blissfully together. But in any case, our relationship had given me a glimpse into what could happen later in life. In fact, it showed me what I’d been subconsciously hoping would happen for me.
I would soon be off to college, and I wanted to experience everything it had to offer. Part of that was discovering my true self. College would be an opportunity to spread my wings, try different things, be exposed to other viewpoints, and all that entailed. Especially in how I interacted with the fairer sex.
Another hard truth that I kept coming back to involved my wanting to experience a ‘normal’ life through the rest of high school, at the very least. This trip made it clear that I wasn’t ‘normal’ anymore. What ‘normal’ high school kid took spring break in Monte Carlo, Mykonos, and New York City? I’d gone to a gala fundraiser; enjoyed the opera; been a part of an international scandal with a real princess; and hung out with a wealthy Colombian family.
The highlight of Wolf and Tim’s spring break was going to the mall and some dude propositioning Wolf. At least he got a pretzel out of it.
From my perspective, there were two aspects to ‘normal.’ The first was doing ordinary things. Frankly, that had become a pipe dream for me. I was lucky to grow up in the town I lived in because I wasn’t constantly hounded by the press or hangers-on like in LA. Even so, I’d still drawn thousands of people to show up for baseball games and, most recently, the fundraiser in the park.
The second part of being normal was being grounded. I’d seen how the seductresses called fame and fortune could turn your head. That was one of the reasons I wanted people like Tim and Wolf in my life. Those guys would call me on my bullshit if I got too full of myself.
Finally, I’d accepted the hard truth that I was unhappy; I hadn’t realized that before. One of the effects of ecstasy was to show you what it was like to be truly happy. I hadn’t realized what I’d been missing until I experienced it.
I’d spent the past four years working toward objectives. It started with the work Uncle John had done with me to help me discover that I was my own worst enemy. From that, I learned about goal-setting. I’d taken it to heart, and it had made a profound difference in my life. It helped me achieve heights I had no idea I was capable of.
I would continue to work to become a better man because that was simply the person I’d become now. Until last night, I hadn’t realized that inside I remained the pudgy little kid who thought the world had conspired to make his life miserable. I’d held onto all that hurt and misery. Yes, my life had changed dramatically. That didn’t mean the underlying reasons for my transformation weren’t still there.
Last night, I’d let go of those feelings. I made the conscious decision to be okay with myself. Uncle John had told me that before you can truly love something else, you had to love yourself. At the time he said it, I didn’t even like myself.
I want to be clear that I wasn’t looking at myself through rose-colored glasses. I still had flaws I wanted to fix; we all do. What I figured out was that it was okay.
They say that the first step to fixing yourself, or a problem, was admitting that something was wrong. Deciding that I was okay lifted a weight off my shoulders, and I felt more content.
The funny thing was that everyone talked about how ecstasy helped people connect with each other. While that may be true, in my case, it helped open my eyes and connect with myself.
I was awakened most pleasantly in the morning by Scarlet’s attempt to suck my soul out through my dick. Her efforts, when combined with the aftereffects of the ecstasy, made for a great orgasm. I felt ready to take on the world.
I realized I would probably sleep the whole flight to New York, but right at that moment, I was content. My senses were still heightened, and ordinary daytime things just seemed a lot more interesting—almost certainly aftereffects of the drug.
As I prepared to get up and get going, I realized I was ready for the next leg of my trip. I looked forward to spending time in New York.
◊◊◊
We flew out of Athens around noon and arrived in New York at four in the afternoon. Not bad, right? No, wrong. The actual flight time was nearly eleven hours; it just appeared shorter because we crossed so many time zones.
What made it bearable was that we’d all stayed up all night, so once we got settled on the flight, we slept most of the way there.
When we landed, I sent a text to Tyler to tell her I’d arrived. She called me as soon as she got it.
“Where are you?” she asked.
