Ivy was actually awake, a rare treat. Her eyes were dark blue, normal for newborns, and I’d been told we’d have to wait a bit to see what color they settled into. I hoped they’d be violet like mine and continue the trend of the twins not looking like Kiyo.
The visit was too short. I wanted to keep trading twins back and forth with Roland, memorizing every single one of my children’s features. Both the NICU and our airline had their own schedules to keep, however, and we eventually had to give Isaac and Ivy back to their warm, enclosed homes. I left with a lump in my throat and hadn’t gotten very far outside the nursery when I spotted Evan waiting in the hall, leaning patiently against a wall. I came to a stop, and Roland cleared his throat.
“I’ll get the car and meet you up front, okay?” he said.
I nodded as he left and strolled over to Evan. “What are you doing here?” I asked. “Not that I’m not happy to see you.”
Evan straightened up, giving me one of his warm smiles. “Here to see you. Sorry I couldn’t come by last night—we had some late back-to-school events I couldn’t miss. So, I wanted to make sure I caught you before you left.”
“I’m glad,” I said, surprised at the mix of feelings churning within me. I was still keyed up over my visit with the twins, and seeing him only added to the turmoil. “I would’ve hated to leave without saying good-bye.”
“Well,” he said. “It’s not really good-bye, is it? You’ll be back.”
“Of course,” I agreed. “I just don’t know when.”
“Well, you know we’ll take care of everything, so don’t you worry.”
I laughed. “You sound just like your aunt and uncle. Candace keeps saying the same thing.”
“Just telling it like it is.” He shrugged. “I know you wouldn’t go without a good reason. So, take care of what you have to, and know that we’re all here for you—and for them.” He nodded toward the nursery.
“I know ... and I’m sorry ... sorry I have to go... .”
Evan gently reached out toward me and placed his fingers under my chin, tipping my head up so that I had to look at him. “Why are you apologizing? You haven’t done anything wrong.”
Maybe. The truth was, I wasn’t entirely sure why I was apologizing either. Lots of reasons, I supposed. I felt bad for leaving Isaac and Ivy. I felt bad for leaving Evan.
“I just feel like I’m abandoning everyone,” I admitted.
“Abandoning would be taking off without leaving any provisions for your children or if you just left on a whim. None of that’s true.”
That well-worn thought came to me again, of how simple life would be here, with him. The “simple” part had nothing to do with the Southern jokes I’d made when Roland first sent me here. It was all about this family, these people with their unconditional love and willingness to let everyone make their own choices. It was about a lifestyle free of politics and schemes. I took hold of Evan’s hand and squeezed it.
“Thank you. For everything. I really appreciate it.”
He gave me a quizzical look. “For what, taking you fishing?”
“Yes, actually. And all the other million little activities you took me on. You have no idea how much it all meant to me, how much I needed those.”
“Well, geez,” he said, turning adorably flustered. I even caught sight of a blush. “I was just worried you were bored left alone at the house all day. If I’d known I was being rated, I would’ve taken you on a proper date.”
I laughed again and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You did, believe me. Countless times.”
He blushed further. “I don’t know about that. But when you get back, well ... then maybe ...”
“Maybe,” I agreed, stepping back. Even now, he was still cautious of pushing too hard on my boundaries. “Thanks again ... and thank you for, well, for them.” I pointed back at the NICU. “I know you’ll be just as busy with them as your aunt and uncle will be.”
Evan smiled. “There’s nothing to thank me for when it comes to those two.”
Our farewell took some of the sting out of having to leave the twins, but I was left melancholy and wistful for a whole new set of reasons as Roland and I began our journey home.
