Harris turned to Jane. ‘Canteen’s closed as it’s a bank holiday so make him a nice cup of tea,’ he said, and looked her up and down before continuing. ‘What’s that yellow stuff on your clothes? You look a mess.’
She apologized explaining that she had been off duty, but had come in after seeing the news. She asked him if she could stay on and work.
‘Yes, but put your uniform on as this station is going to be the focus of press and top-brass attention for a long while yet.’
She said she would make Gibbs a tea and then return to the section house to change.
Jane went into the small kitchen and put the kettle on before unthinkingly washing the usual array of dirty mugs that had been left in the sink.
When she took DS Gibbs a cup of tea he was sitting behind Bradfield’s desk, leaning forward with his arms on the table, his head resting between them. At first she thought he was asleep. He looked up and took out a handkerchief to wipe his nose.
‘Two sugars, right?’ Jane asked with a smile.
‘Thanks,’ Gibbs said.
‘Did your NOK call go OK?’ she asked out of politeness, still unsure what it meant.
‘I don’t think she could really take it all in, but I’ll go over to be with her later.’
‘I’m sorry, who do you mean by “she”?’
Spencer sighed. ‘Len’s wife. It was awful as I could hear their two small kids playing in the background, and now I gotta do Kath’s NOK call.’
Jane suddenly realized that ‘NOK’ was short for ‘next of kin’ and couldn’t believe what Gibbs had just said. Was Bradfield married? It wasn’t possible, it couldn’t be true, she thought to herself before speaking as calmly as possible under the circumstances.
‘Married. I didn’t know married officers could live at the section house.’
Gibbs sipped his tea, and gave a small shrug of his shoulders.
‘His wife was finding it hard to cope with all the late hours he worked. She’d get anxious, wondering if maybe he’d been hurt as he hadn’t come home when expected. Len told me she would often sit up waiting for him. He spoke with the section house sergeant who said he, and a few others, could use a spare room when things got busy. Len reckoned it would help stop all the anxiety at home and then a rumour goes round that they were splitting up. It didn’t bother him as he always felt that his private life was his own personal business and nothing to do with anyone else and…’ He bowed his head trying to stifle a sob. ‘God help me, I loved and respected that man so much and now I gotta tell poor Kath’s mum and dad she’s dead.’
Jane had to take deep breaths to steady herself. She gently patted his shoulder.
‘Sorry, Spence, so sorry.’
She turned away, knowing she was going to break down. She clenched her fists, digging her nails into her palms. She hurried out of the office, down the stairs and out to the rear entrance of the station in a state of denial.
With no handbag, warrant card or money she walked to the section house and had to ask the ‘old buzzard’ to let her into her room. She gasped for breath as she shut the door behind her. She stared at the big poster of Janis Joplin with her wild hair and the silly feather boa, her arms lined with bracelets and rings on her fingers. The scream came from the pit of her stomach.
‘No, no, no, no!’
She tore the poster down and began ripping it to shreds as the song that had constantly been running through her mind seemed to drill into her heart:
Still crying Jane took off her stained clothes, changed into a clean pressed shirt and skirt, then brushed her hair and tied it back with an elastic band. Hard as she tried she couldn’t stop the floodgates opening as she remembered Bradfield tossing the elastic band onto her desk and calling her Veronica Lake.
She splashed cold water over her face and held the towel against her eyes until her sobs quietened.
‘Take control, take control, do it.’
Jane picked up her hat, put it on and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her uniform suddenly felt like a protective armour. As she returned to the station she gritted her teeth and knew that, whatever anguish she was feeling or had to face in the future, she would now be able to contain it inside her.
