built on the Neva embankment between the Winter Palace and
the Admiralty, out of blocks of ice that were welded together by
dribbling water in between them. The house was 60 feet long,
over 20 feet wide, and 30 feet high, and was topped by a gallery
with colonnade and statues. A staircase with a balustrade led to a
vestibule, behind which the apartment reserved for the couple
was located. It held a room furnished with a great white bed,
whose curtains, pillows and mattress were carved of ice. To the
side was a bathroom, also cut from ice, as evidence of Her Maj-
esty’s concern for the intimate necessities on behalf of her
“protégés.” Further on was a dining room, of similarly polar as-
pect but richly furnished in formal china and tableware, ready to
welcome the guests for a superb and shivery and feast. In front of
the house stood ice cannons, with a stack of cannonballs of the
same material, and an ice elephant that was said to be able to spit
a stream of frosty water 24 feet into the air, plus two ice pyramids
inside of which were exhibited, to warm up the visitors, some hu-
morous and obscene images. 5
Her Majesty expressly invited representatives of all the races
of the empire, dressed in their native costumes, to participate in
the great festival given in honor of the marriage of the buffoons.
On February 6, 1740, after the unfortunate Mikhail Golitsyn and
the counterfeit old Kalmyk woman had their ritual blessing at the
church, a carnival procession similar to those that had so amused
Peter the Great set forth to the clanging of bells. Ostiak, Kirghiz,
Finn, Samoyed, Yakut — they all filed along, proud in their tradi-
tional clothes, parading down the street. The crowds who had
come running from every part of the city to enjoy this free specta-
cle were flabbergasted. Some of the participants rode horses of a
species never before seen in St. Petersburg, others rode in rein-
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deer-drawn sledges or dog-sleds, on the back of a goat or, more
hilarious yet, on the back of a pig. The newlyweds themselves
were seated on an elephant. After passing in front of the imperial
palace, the procession stopped across from the “Duke of Cour-
land’s Riding School,” where a meal was served for all the partici-
pants. The poet Trediakovsky recited a comic poem and couples
from the different regions performed folk dances, accompanied by
their traditional instruments, for the benefit of the Empress, the
court and the “young couple.”
As night was finally falling, they all set out again, in good
cheer but still with their wits about them, toward the house of ice
which, in the lengthening shadows of twilight, sparkled with the
gleam of a thousand torches. Her Majesty Herself took care to
escort the newlyweds to their cold bed and withdrew with a rib-
ald smile. Sentries were placed in front of all the exits, at once, to
prevent the turtledoves from leaving their icy love nest before day-
break.
That night, while lying with Bühren in her well-heated
room, Anna Ivanovna appreciated more than ever her soft bedcov-
ers and warm clothes. Did she even think of the ugly Kalmyk and
the docile Golitsyn, whom she had condemned capriciously to
this sinister comedy and who might well have been dying of cold
in their translucent prison? In any event, if any hint of remorse
flitted through her mind, it must have been driven out very
quickly by the thought that this was quite an innocent joke and
very much in line with the liberties that are allowed any sover-
eign, by divine right.
By some miracle, the noble buffoon and his hideous partner
were, according to a few contemporaries, pulled out of this matri-
monial ice cube with nothing worse than a runny nose and some
frostbite. According to some, they even managed to go abroad,
under the following reign, where the Kalmyk supposedly died af-
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ter having given birth to two sons. As for Golitsyn, by no means
discouraged by this chilling matrimonial test, he was said to have
married again and to have lived on to a very advanced age, without
any further misadventures. Diehard monarchists thus maintain
that even the worst atrocities committed in Russia in the name of
the autocracy of that era could only have been beneficial.
In spite of Anna Ivanovna’s obvious indifference to public
affairs, Bühren was sometimes constrained to acquaint her with
important issues. In order to better insulate her from the annoy-
ances that are inseparable from the exercise of power, he sug-
gested to her that they create a secret chancellery that would be
responsible for monitoring Her subjects. Fed by the public treas-
ury, an army of spies was let loose throughout Russia. Denounce-
ments popped up on all sides, like mushrooms after a sweet rain-
fall.
Informers wishing to express themselves verbally were let
into the imperial palace by a hidden door and were received, in the
offices of the secret chancellery, by Bühren in person. His innate
hatred for the old Russian aristocracy encouraged him to accept
