Her Majesty Anna Ivanovna were never so funny (when they tried
to be) as he was when trying to look serious.
The procession traversed St. Petersburg amid a multitude of
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spectators who prostrated themselves as the carriages went by,
making the sign of the cross and calling out their blessings and
good wishes for the young couple and the tsarina. Never did so
many candles glow in the Cathedral of Our Lady of Kazan.
Throughout the liturgy, Elizabeth was on the lookout for one of
her nephew’s little stunts, having come to expect some disruption
from him during the most serious occasions. But the service went
off without a hitch, including the exchange of rings. After risking
ankylosis by standing upright throughout the service, the assem-
bly then flexed its legs at the ball that, of course, capped the day’s
festivities.
However, no matter how much she enjoyed dancing, Eliza-
beth kept her mind on the essential matter — which was not the
Church blessing, and far less the minuets and the polonaises, but
the coupling which, in theory, should soon take place. By 9:00 in
the evening, she decided that it was time for the young couple to
withdraw. As a conscientious duenna, she led them to the bridal
apartment. The matrons and maids of honor, all a-twitter, gave
them escort. The grand duke discreetly disappeared to don his
night clothes. The grand duchess’s maidservants took advantage
of the husband’s absence to dress the young lady in a chemise that
was tantalizingly transparent, and capped her hair with a light
bonnet of lace; she was put to bed under the vigilant eye of the
empress. When Her Majesty judged that “the little one” was
“ready,” she exited — with theatrical slowness. She would have
loved dearly to be able to see what happened next. Would her
wretched nephew be able to summon up enough manhood to sat-
isfy this poor young girl? Wouldn’t they need her helpful advice?
Catherine looked frightened and had tears in her eyes — a virginal
apprehension that must only excite the desire of a normally con-
stituted man. But how would the eccentric grand duke behave?
Might he not harbor an impotence that no woman could cure?
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In the days that followed, she studied Catherine, vainly look-
ing for signs of conjugal satisfaction. The bride appeared increas-
ingly thoughtful and disillusioned. Questioning her chamber-
maids, Elizabeth learned that, every evening, after having joined
his wife in bed, instead of cherishing her, the grand duke would
amuse himself with the wooden figurines on his bedside table.
And often, they said, he would abandon the grand duchess on the
pretext of a headache to go have a drink and a laugh with some of
his friends in a nearby room. Sometimes he even played with the
servants, ordering them about as if they were soldiers on parade.
These may all have been harmless infantile pleasures, but they
must have been offensive, and worrisome, for a wife who was only
waiting to be undressed.
Catherine may have been languishing untouched at the side
of a husband who shirked his duties; but her mother was carrying
on shamelessly. In just a few months in St. Petersburg, she man-
aged to become the mistress of Count Ivan Betsky. She was
thought to be pregnant by him, and people were saying that even
if the grand duchess should be long in giving the empire an heir,
her dear mother would soon be presenting her with a little
brother or sister. Offended by the misconduct of this woman
who, out of regard for Catherine, should have moderated her pas-
sions during her stay in Russia, Elizabeth firmly invited her to
leave the country where she had exhibited only dishonor and stu-
pidity. After a pathetic scene, with excuses and justifications on
one side and icy contempt on the other, Johanna packed her bags
and returned to Zerbst without saying good-bye to her daughter,
who was sure to have reproached her.
Although having been dismayed by her mother’s extrava-
gances all this time, Catherine felt so alone after Johanna’s depar-
ture that her melancholy transformed into a quiet despair. Wit-
nessing this collapse, Elizabeth still struggled to believe that upon
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seeing how unhappy his wife had become, Peter would draw
closer to Catherine and that her tears would succeed where ordi-
nary coquetry had failed. But, from one day to the next, the lack
of understanding between the spouses grew deeper. Upset by his
inability to fulfill his marital duty, as Catherine invited him to do
every night with a sweetly provocative smile, he took revenge by
claiming — with all the cynicism of an army grunt — that he had
other women, and that he even had a strong attachment else-
where. He told her that he had something going on with some of
her ladies-in-waiting, who supposedly held him in great affection.
In his desire to humiliate Catherine, he went as far as scoffing at
her subservience towards the Orthodox religion and for her re-
